Tuesday 6 October 2009

The Return

This story's been written for the annual TheScian science fiction short story writing contest. If you notice any similarities between this one and 'The Last Hour', that's because I adapted some ideas from this story to that one, not the other way round. The main theme of this story had been in the procrastination pipeline for quite some time - deadlines really do work miracles, you know!


When the end came, no one was ready for it.

A slow, staid, patient Earth was rudely interrupted from her ceaseless plodding by something extraordinary, something inexplicable. A chasm had opened up near the edge of the Solar System. It was a rift in space time that would, perhaps, not stand out among the many similar scars the Universe heedlessly sports; nonetheless, it would go on to ravage the spinning rocks that huddled under the light of an average star.

The Earth watched as the little scratch rapidly evolved into a tear. Not in the least bit fussy, it feasted on an endless supply of edibles nearby, eventually becoming so engorged that it started spewing material back into the Solar System. More than a cosmic perversion of excretion, this material, which was almost completely radiation, was a harbinger of death. Spectacular planet-wide storms that could fit a hundred of herself raged across the gas giants. The Earth did her bit in trying to stir up the scurrying ants- freak storms lashed the surface; brutal levels of heat and radiation almost physically pushed back the inhabitants into their dwellings. It did not work. The little people who had built structures millions of times their own size, and had looked into the distant furnace of the birth of the Universe, could not feel the pulse of their own planet. The weather remained a tempestuous beast, and resisted all attempts at domestication. Global warming had once brought the planet to its knees- yet no lessons were learnt. Perhaps they could never be. Meteorologists mumbled about ‘cyclical unpredictability’, a phrase that did not require too much skill at deciphering jargon to identify ignorance. But the human race was too far along, too heady with the knowledge of its own superiority to notice anything wrong. Even fearful whispers that tried to resurrect the ghost of global warming were ignored. That was about when the ozone layer started evaporating.

A dispirited Earth had perhaps underestimated the sheer tenacity of this species. This was after all the same creature that through thick headedness, and occasional well-intentioned stupidity reduced most other creatures to museum artefacts. Human scientists predicted that in five hundred years, a combination of radiation, heat and floods would make the planet uninhabitable. To the Earth’s exasperation, the little people only viewed this as another engineering challenge. They would go underground. They would seal themselves off from the harmful environment outside.

They would launch the Earth out of the Solar System.

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In a roughly circular room, whose walls were mostly transparent except for the section which served as the writing board, sat around twenty people. With some difficulty you could perhaps identify that these were the same human beings that had once swarmed the planet. But evolution, and hundreds of generations underground had been harsh on them. They were tall and gangly in a way that would have seemed painful to surface human beings. They had pale, waxy skins, negligible hair, and fragile, almost child like limbs. You could immediately see that they were not physical people; they had an innate economy of movement that seemed closer to plants than animals. All but two pairs of eyes looked up as the prayer reader sedately walked into the room, swept clutter off the solitary desk, and opened the Zustra. One of these indifferent pairs of eyes belonged to a young man called Marek. He slouched as low as possible in the stiff backed chair and tried hard not to listen to the prayer reader’s monotone. Everything the man said seemed to repeat itself eventually. Today the reader spoke about the divine light, an otherworldly illumination that would save them all from a meaningless existence. Under the pretext of stifling a yawn, he raised a slow hand to his mouth, and from underneath, grinned at a woman two rows away.

This woman, who was known as Bili, had been on several occasions on the verge of dozing off, only just managing to rouse herself each time. She had stolen a handful of surreptitious glances at Marek. Each time he had appeared to have been staring ahead with fierce concentration, a posture which she knew meant the exact opposite. Presently she saw him grin at her, and slowly crook one of his fingers over his thumb in a characteristic gesture. She returned it, and both of them turned to look at the third of their group, a tall, thin (even for them), solemn young man who was sitting in the row closest to the reader. They never could understand Fisek’s fascination with the Zustra; they were alike in so many ways, but Fisek’s obstinate desire to see good in their holy book amused and frustrated them. There was no way they would be able to catch his attention now. They went back to carefully ignoring the reader.

'It has been foretold that a time will come when we will no longer cower under the soil like worms, but rise and reclaim what is our own. There will be signs, yes. The Lord will tell us when we are ready…'

A couple of hours later, the three of them were making their way through a little tunnel that led to their housings. Fisek was unusually cheerful.

‘What about the plan to break in? Don’t you think we should do it today? I know that sentry – he’s a jolly friendly chap. I can talk him into taking a walk with me, I think.”

Marek and Bili looked at each other for a moment, before loudly complaining that, yes, the plan was on, and he would have known it too, if he had not been so busy sucking up to the reader. Nothing could dampen Fisek’s spirits today, though. He had asked a question in the prayer session that the reader had called ‘delightfully profound’. He chose to ignore the barb, and hastily began to formulate plans for their latest adventure.

'Today’s perfect, you know. Even Grandfather won’t be around. Today’s the sleeping day for him.’ Marek said with undisguised glee – his grandfather was known for his age-defyingly keen eyes that had scuppered many an ingenious plan. Bili nodded assent, pointing out that her parents were away on some repair work. While Fisek did not agree outwardly, the fact that he did not disagree, the others knew, was as close to consent as he could get. They thrashed out the final structure of the plan – they would leave just after lunch, when everyone would be resting. They would take the infrequently used tunnel coach, and get down as close to the Temple as possible. As for what they would do next, they came to the conclusion that planning too far ahead was about as useful as trying to dig their way to heaven, and would cross that bridge when it came.

‘I am starving, you know. And we need to rest before we go to the Temple.’ Marek said cautiously. The others frowned but said nothing; lunch was a real chore, and a painful one at that. Human beings’ physical strength had atrophied to such an extent that having food had become a protracted process. Eating too fast, or eating too much was very dangerous and could even result in death; even with sufficient restraint most people required a rest after the action. Marek often joked, to Fisek’s indignation, that the only thing humans did was pray, sleep, have food, sleep, pray, sleep and so on in an endless cycle. Sex was strictly monitored by the administrative council. Again it was an act that could severely exhaust a person; it could only be done with proper legal consent.

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The Temple was a strange thing, seemingly out of place in the world of these underground creatures. It was built of brick, not rock like the other structures; it stood over thirty feet in height, towering over the other structures which rarely, if ever, had more than two levels. The little aerial that poked upwards from the terrace was its highest point; it was so high up, that it was rumoured that standing on it, you could touch the tunnel roof with your outstretched hand. There was another thing about this structure that was unique. It was not spherical. In fact it had a distinct bilinear symmetry which many of its visitors found disconcerting.

Physical distinction is one thing, but the truly remarkable feature of the Temple was that no one really knew what it was for. It was like an outcast that was shunned not out of revulsion, but a fear borne of religion. Most people believed that it was haunted – there were numerous popular stories of how glory seekers had unaccountably perished within its mysterious confines. Youth has an incorrigible recklessness that it wears with pride; Marek, Fisek and Bili had always mentally classified all such tales under the ‘superstition’ column.

‘You know, I am not sure the sentry will take kindly to seeing you two there.’ Fisek pointed out. ‘He knows me, I’ve been here a couple of times, and he thinks that I’m a bit of a vagrant, but a harmless one. I don’t think he’ll think the same of you.’ He winked to take the seriousness out of his words.

Therefore a nervous (and relieved) Marek, and an excitable Bili crouched behind a rock while Fisek walked with what he evidently thought was a casual gait towards the sentry. The sentry looked rather terse and suspicious, and just when the two began to wonder if they would have to do something to rescue Fisek, the sentry cracked a sneaky smile and walked away with him. As they hastened towards the entrance a thought occurred to Bili.

‘What if it’s locked?’

Marek swore colourfully, but there wasn’t too much time to think of an alternative plan. On reaching the rather battered door of the Temple, they noticed that it did not even have a latch. Bili mentally thanked the Zustra and its authors for foisting such a convenient superstition on the populace; it did not for a second occur to either of them that the place might actually be dangerous. The door creaked rustily open.

The room was full of books. Many were stacked in gigantic piles, some even rising twenty feet into the air and appearing to merge with the rafters high above. Others were strewn across the floor chaotically. Even the disorder did not quite manage to give the impression of recent use. What felt like centuries of hardened grit completely muffled their footsteps, and every book was covered with a uniform dust coating. Marek tried to step over the piles, but there were so many that he gave up, and tried not to look at what he was walking through. He felt slightly dizzy; the only book he had ever seen in his life was the printed version of the Zustra, and that too only once. Bili, though seemed to have recovered quickly and was already rifling through a moderate sized pile. She picked out several titles that did not mean anything to her (‘An Evolutionary Study of Butterflies’, ‘In Defence of War’, ‘The Impending Asteroid Catastrophe’), before picking out an exceptionally thick tome called, ‘The Great Project’. Tucking it under her arm, she decided to go and check if Fisek and his new friend were on their way back. They had walked away in the opposite direction to the door; so she stepped out, walked to the edge of the front wall and stuck one careful eye beyond.

To her absolute shock they were only a few feet away. What saved her was the fact the sentry was not looking ahead at that point; he was staring into Fisek’s solemn face, rapt. Fisek, though, saw her, and started. The sentry noticed this, and made an unconscious motion as if to face ahead. Fisek reacted instinctively. He hugged the older man tightly, completely obscuring his view. Bili dashed back into the Temple and dragged a bemused Marek outside. They sprinted like they’d never done before. Their chests complained, and their legs felt like they were on fire, but they were too frightened to stop. They only looked back after reaching the rock, managing a momentary glimpse of Fisek before they fainted from sheer exhaustion.

Bili woke first, into an anxious face that was only a few inches away. Fisek moved away hurriedly, embarrassed, and also a little relieved.

‘So he didn’t see us then.’ Bili said rhetorically. Then something occurred to her, something that had been bothering her from even before she had stepped into the Temple.

‘What exactly did you tell that sentry, that he became all chummy?’

‘Oh that.’ Fisek looked embarrassed once more. ‘I just told him that I knew a good spot for illegal sex.’

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The only book that the trio managed to salvage from their adventure turned out to be a very useful one. It was a book unlike anything they had ever seen. It did not seem to trust itself; every time it made an assertion it offered bundles of facts, figures and quotations to back it up. It primarily detailed the chronological development of an underground network of habitable tunnels to save the human race from what it called the ‘Quantum Anomaly.’ It took a while for them to realize that the book was talking about them, or at least their ancestors, and even longer to see that the Zustra was itself based on this story.

The Earth watched the scurrying ants delve deeper and deeper towards her core. Geologists identified isothermal contours under the Earth’s surface up to two hundred kilometres below the Earth’s crust. That was the easy bit. The difficult part was to map the whole of the Earth’s plate tectonic system so as to find the most stable areas to build the habitation tunnels in. Any such mapping can only be correct to a certain degree, and so the scientists backed up their data with heavy redundancy. There would be at least three independent tunnel paths connecting any two habitable zones. The provision of air, food and water stumped them for a while. Any form of mechanical machinery would not do. The most optimistic estimates predicted a million year journey for the planet, and no mechanical machine could run that long. They needed self-sustaining systems that could, given enough time, repair themselves to perfection. For the first time in their brief history, humans did something that appealed to the watching Earth; they turned to nature. The humble animal cell, they realized, was a spectacularly robust self-sustaining system that put to shame any of their own creations. An era of bioengineering ensued, with impressive results. A hierarchical and completely closed food web comprising an assortment of manufactured bacteria, algae and fungi was built. This miniature ecosystem was then assimilated into wafer thin layers of bio machinery that could ingest the abundant rocky matter in the Earth’s crust and mantle, and expel oxygen and water vapour. The tunnels themselves were organized in a roughly spiral fashion. Interconnecting maintenance tunnels and steeper arms that connected two isotherms broke the pattern at regular intervals. Every tunnel was coated with layers of bio machinery that tried to do away with human intervention as much as possible. Temperature control to a certain extent was possible; but exoduses to higher or lower temperature habitable zones would be inevitable. Meanwhile, the Earth began to wither and die as the relentless heat and radiation took its toll. Still she watched the humans, their bluster and new found purpose, and hoped that they could still rescue her. The little people sweated for several generations over the problem of how to eject the Earth from the Solar System, before they hit upon a deceptively simple solution.

They blew up the Sun.

‘They got it wrong, you know.’ Marek did not have to refer to the book (which they had dubbed the ‘Azustra’) to let them know what he was talking about. They had discussed nothing else during the three months since their last adventure.

‘They thought that they had to build the perfect system that would eliminate the need for human operators. All that it did was make technological innovation redundant, and us how we are today. Timid, slow-witted and steeped in ignorance.’

Fisek was not prepared to forego his love for the Zustra. ‘The Zustra says that a massive famine hit the first pilgrims. I am willing to bet that the first underground dwellers suffered a severe food shortage. Perhaps, the machines did not work as expected. Or maybe there was a fight. Whatever it was, I think the problem was not fixed, and we adapted to lesser quantities of food, with the end result that we became such languorous creatures.’

Bili who never had too much patience was debates piped up, ‘I think it’s time we went on our next adventure.’ She paused, taking in the tolerant smile on Fisek’s face, and the carefully concealed excitement on Marek’s, and said, ‘You gave me the idea you know, with your stupid machismo arguments that prove nothing and mean nothing. I think we should go to the Earth’s surface.’

Marek laughed derisively, while Fisek attempted to launch into a measured counter-argument. But Bili loudly cut through their voices, and said, ‘The Azustra has a detailed map of all the underground tunnels. Tunnel coaches should take us to up to within five kilometres. And then on I think we can follow the maintenance tunnels all the way to the surface.’

Marek looked stunned and lost for words, while Fisek looked stunned and eager to speak. ‘How do you know all this?’ he asked her quickly.

‘My parents inspect the tunnels, you know. They tell me all about it.’ Noticing the smirk on Marek’s face, she added, ‘You may find it hard to believe, but the old people know a few things too. Anyway, from my parents’ description of the last habitable zone, the connecting tunnel we used for the exodus, and the current habitable zone, I think I have a fairly good idea as to where we are in relation to the Earth’s surface.’

Now Fisek seemed lost for words. Marek gave an admiring whoop and gave her a brief hug, saying, ‘And here I thought we would spend the rest of our lives telling our grandchildren how, in our greatest adventure, we fainted behind a rock, scared of a guy who was looking for illegal sex.’ Bili let out an involuntary giggle. Fisek, though, looked thoughtful and did not smile.

‘We could actually die here.’ Fisek said in a hushed tone. ‘This is not a silly break in, where the worst that thing that could happen would be that we would be denied food for some time. The Azustra says that the surface is a poisonous pit deadly to all forms of life. The Zustra says that we will receive some sign, something that will tell us that we can go back to the surface. I don’t think we should go.’

Bili and Marek looked at each other. It had been like this for some time. The Azustra seemed to have the opposite effect on Fisek as it did on them. It made him withdraw more into himself and become even more cautious than usual. This change in his demeanour unconsciously modified their response to Fisek’s statements. They would feel an irrational urge to do the exact opposite of what Fisek said, despite any evident logic. They reacted this way once more. Separately, and mentally, they confirmed that they would indeed go on this adventure even if it ended up killing them. Friendship, however quickly doused any rebellious flames, and they sat down to try and convince him to change his mind.

‘My parents use these suits when they go into the higher tunnels. They provide a breathable environment for five hours and maintain a constant temperature and pressure. I reckon they should work on the surface.’ Bili said, with Marek nodding vigorous assent. Fisek looked unconvinced.

‘Look,’ Marek added with a look of great solidarity, ‘I know it’s a scary thing. But I thought that was what we lived for. I promise that if we make it out of this alive, we will never go on an adventure again.’ Fisek looked slightly mollified, and Marek continued, ‘I just remembered one more thing. The Azustra spoke of habitability probes on the surface that would tell us when the Earth reached a habitable zone. Perhaps this is what the Zustra means by the divine signs. Maybe the probes have broken down; or maybe we have forgotten how to interpret the signals. Anyway, my point is that the probes may already be telling us something, and we don’t know it yet.’

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Fisek had not spoken a word during the three hour coach journey. Marek and Bili had started off brightly, with Marek’s wittiness apparently fuelled by the thought of imminent danger, but they had quietened down fast. Their stolen suits had, unsurprisingly, not fit them well at all, but even the extreme discomfort did not loosen their tongues appreciably. They made their way across a dark, dingy maintenance tunnel. This would, according to Bili, lead to the first of a series of maintenance cars. Marek decided to break the oppressive silence.

‘I never realized how much the bio machinery actually did for us. I mean, they even supply light that we don’t notice. Look at this godforsaken place. I can’t even see what I’m stepping through.’

Even Bili could not bring herself to say anything in response. A little while later they found the first maintenance car. It was a plain cuboidal box that moved on a dedicated set of metallic tracks. It did not have too much by way of furniture, and could only accommodate three people with difficulty. Further conversation was stifled as they fell promptly asleep after setting the car on its way. They travelled in two more cars in a similar fashion, wondering, during their infrequent waking moments, if the lack of any significant obstacles thus far would manifest itself in one major catastrophe.

Their fourth and final car juddered to a halt midway through its journey, jolting them awake. Immediately they knew that something was wrong. There was too little light – in their earlier journeys there had always been enough light to read a book by. Now they could barely see each other’s faces. It was also cold, bitingly so. Peering through the tiny window in the wall of the car, they could see that something dark and fuzzy completely obscured their path.

‘What do we do?’ Marek asked slowly.

‘We could go back… The car can go either direction. Besides, I don’t think we can go further.’ Bili responded in a way that left no doubt as to what her choice was.

‘No.’ To everyone’s surprise, it was Fisek who said this. ‘I think we are close, very close to the surface. These are just little tests that we need to pass before we are deemed worthy to see the signs.’ As Bili and Marek looked shocked, Fisek added bracingly, ‘I was just winding you up. Besides, it is only now that our adventure is starting. Wake up, you poltroons, put on your suits and let’s be on our way.’

They stepped out of the car and into a dim light, whose source they could not trace. The entity that had blocked their car did not look quite so perfectly black now. The heightened illumination highlighted brilliant shades of green, red and yellow. A slight breeze played on their faces, and set several somethings within the dark mass aflutter. Meanwhile, Fisek seemed to have shaken off the stupor that had possessed him throughout the journey. He enthusiastically moved forward to study the entity. Presently, his voice came back to them, echoing in the enclosed space.

‘I don’t believe this. This stuff is bio machinery! It’s just gone a bit out of control, that’s all. Still it is bio machinery, and it should be harmless to humans.’ Before either of Marek and Bili could say anything, he stepped into the dark mass and disappeared. They waited for a while, but he did not appear. Closer up, the dark mass seemed much more like a giant trap to swallow unwitting humans. Slowly, unwillingly, they stepped into it.

Marek could feel a thousand little somethings brush past his suit, feather light in their touch but not really uncomfortable. Perhaps it was only his imagination but he could feel an acute intelligence emanating from the entity. He fancied that it was a slow, brooding creature that was contemplating impassively whether to let them pass. A gentle whispering played back in his suit’s speakers. It was most likely the breeze ruffling the ‘leaves’ (as he had mentally christened the fluttering things), but once more he fancied a sentience within the dark mass. It was talking to him now. He could not see anything at all; it was as if he was all alone in a private universe of dark colours, soft sounds and pleasurable touches. Bili had only been a foot ahead of him in the beginning, but he had no idea how far ahead she was now.

The ‘forest’ seemed to stretch interminably. Marek had long since lost the capacity for thought, and was only putting one foot in front of the other mechanically. Then, suddenly, his foot stepped into empty space. He flailed wildly, but the dark mass around him parted easily and offered no support. As he fell forwards, the forest cleared abruptly, and he noticed a ledge only a foot in front of him, but at a slightly higher elevation. He stuck out a hand, and ignoring the sharp pain of impact, firmly grasped the top of the ledge. He clambered over painfully using the last reserves of his physical energy and passed out on the hard tunnel floor.

He woke up to voices nearby. Bili’s and Fisek’s. A moment of incoherence ensued, before his brain recovered and pumped his system with a heavy shot of giddy joy. They were alive! All of a sudden he too felt Fisek’s conviction. They were close. It wouldn’t be long. Bili and Fisek noticed that he was awake and they hugged each other tightly, never before closer to each other than they were now.

‘We had been studying the maps while you were asleep.’ Bili announced. ‘I think we are near what the Azustra calls the porthole. It is a sort of chamber that connects our underground environment to the surface’s. It should theoretically link directly to the ground level, but we suspect that the entrance might be clogged up.’

‘By the way,’ Fisek said a little sadly, ‘we only have an hour and a half left on our suits. Returning to the tunnels in time will be hard.’

Marek did not listen. An overpowering feeling of recklessness swept over him; he desired nothing more than to carry on and finish the task. Looking at the eager expressions on his friends’ faces, he suspected that they too were feeling the same way. As they made their way through the tunnel, a thought occurred to Marek.

‘The tunnel was broken, wasn’t it? I am not sure if I dreamed it, but I thought I saw molten rock in the gap between the ledge and the forest.’

‘Forest… Interesting term… Apt, though.’ Fisek seemed to roll the word in his head and emerge with a favourable appraisal. ‘I think the plate movement stuff the Azustra goes on and on about must have broken through this tunnel. In fact I suspect that it is the fracture that caused the bio machinery to multiply uncontrollably and clog the tunnel.’

Presently they reached a dead end. The tunnel had long since given way to a more cave like structure; one that sloped gently upwards and had rough rock walls. They had been travelling for an hour, and the patiently rising path had only served to whet their rapidly growing enthusiasm. They physically felt the ground getting nearer with each step. Now they found themselves facing a blank wall, and their suits would only last for a measly thirty more minutes. The three of them sunk to the floor in despair, desperately tired, but too scared to sleep. But Bili noticed something that got them excited once more.

‘What’s that vague scratching noise I hear?’ She cuffed Marek hard around the head to draw his attention. The expression of morbidity on his face gave way to excitement as he too caught the noise.

‘There is nothing inside the cave that can cause that noise.’ Marek said rhetorically. ‘Unless of course the rocks are less stupid than they look and are actually talking to us,’ he added in a brave stab at humour. ‘That means that the sound is coming from the surface.’

The portion of the cave roof nearest the dead end wall rose only a couple of feet above the ground. Marek and Bili squeezed into the cramped space there, and began to dig at the roof furiously with their gloved hands. Fisek seemed to have been worst hit by exhaustion, and lay on the floor nearby, not moving, but not asleep. In a matter of minutes, their scrabbling fingers broke through the mud and into open air.

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There was a star in the sky. It was very, very big; it was so large that its disc covered a third of the sky in one direction. But it was not as hot it should have been. It wasn’t bright enough. It was too big! Wispy clouds waded through a bright blue atmosphere. A rusty signpost swung creakily near the entrance of the porthole. It said, ‘Welcome back!’

‘It’s the divine light.’ Fisek spoke in awestruck tones. For once, Marek did not disagree. They had been walking for a long time. The world around them was nothing like their home. Everything seemed to be in constant flux: the ubiquitous sand, the air and the suspended water particles moved around them restlessly. Their suits had been long since been discarded – the air outside was so much fresher. They had seen something glitter in the distance, and had set off towards it. Now they could see that it was a water body. They peered into its murky depths hopefully, but nothing moved. Earth was ready but Life was late to the party, apparently.

‘And the divine light shall free us from oppression. We will rise and reclaim what is our own.’ Fisek intoned quietly. Marek and Bili had gone to study a strange looking instrument that lay half buried in the sand. It looked vaguely familiar. Rifling through the Azustra, Bili quickly identified what it was. It was a habitability probe. Even after carefully comparing the diagram with the original, they could not identify anything obvious that would have stopped it from doing its job. Then it occurred to them that they really did not know what it was supposed to do. All that the Azustra told them was that it would give an appropriate signal. Marek laughed loudly. Never before had he appreciated how similar the two books sometimes were. All three of them lay down on the soft sand, and fell into a carefree sleep.

The Earth watched, as glad as she could ever be, as her favourite children returned to her surface. In what would be a blink of an eye to her, they would rapidly re-colonize the planet. The alien star whose diminished light warmed the surface would fuel the rapid spread of life, and the planet would be green once more. The Earth, thanks to her long memory, knew something the humans did not. The alien sun that had infused her with a new life was remarkably similar to the thing that had brutally scorched her surface all those years ago. It too was not of this universe; it peeked through a thinning of the veils between universes, a thinning that diminished its ferocious intensity to acceptable levels. But something about the uncanny coincidence worried her immense sentience. Why was it here at all?

You can also read it here and here.

Tuesday 29 September 2009

The Experiment

Another Shaastra 2009 entry. This was the for the 'conventional' SF short story writing contest and had a 3000 word limit, but the topics were provided once more. This one's about a world where the government has made laughter illegal.


Humanity had a revelation. Or at least the tiny portion of humanity that controlled the rest of humanity did. Humour, the government loudly proclaimed, was the root of all evil. The justification offered for this very serious statement was quite simple. Humour cannot exist by itself; it feeds on Sentiment and leaves it hurt and wounded. Or to put it another way, every joke needs a butt. As a government spokesman once said,

“Why do wars happen? People are angry, and so they fight. Why do people get angry? They are angry because they are offended, and they are offended because their sentiments are hurt.”

This is where the government spokesman gleefully introduced the damning role of humour by pointing out that it is most likely someone’s idea of a joke that starts a war. Similar arguments, with the help of several solemn computer scientists and logicians, reduced child trafficking, drug abuse and serial killings to applications of humour. Having inarguably established the role of humour in humanity’s decadence, the aforementioned government set out to eradicate it. And here they hit their first roadblock – how do you identify humour? A group of solemn looking psychologists locked themselves in a room for a week, and came up with the answer: laughter. Laughter is the physical manifestation of humour and can be detected; anything that can be detected can be eliminated. Engineers and biologists were hired in droves to work on a laughter detector that would be cheap, effective and unobtrusive. Mathematically speaking, numbers always work, and out of all the collective effort arose the Rideometer. A term like Laugh-o-meter, for instance, was discarded as being too frivolous, and not really indicative of the profound task it was meant to accomplish. Latin was found to be a suitably serious etymological source, and hence the name.

Incidentally, the perplexed few who managed to appreciate the humour in this theory were promptly removed to a safe place where they would be unlikely to hurt themselves and the rest of society. The opposing political party, in what might have been the first such incident in history, found themselves in total agreement with the idea, and actually undertook campaigns supporting the incumbents.

The Rideometer was soon installed in nearly every public place in the country. It is believed that in the two centuries that passed since its invention, it had successfully “eliminated any concerns about overpopulation”, as taken verbatim from a stubbornly invariant government propaganda leaflet. Unofficial figures put the number of disappeared at over two billion. The remaining people were naturally averse to humour, and as generations passed, began to lose the biological ability to recognize a joke. Laughter came to be considered an infectious disease, the sort that could lead to entire cities being quarantined. Tickling, people observed, led to laughter, and this was entirely unacceptable. A vaccine was promptly invented that gave people immunity to being tickled.



The best of medicines, however, cannot kill every single germ, and so was the case with the Rideometer. There was a pocket of the capital city Kilmar that survived all purges. Perhaps the government felt that this crime ridden, gang infested corner of the planet did not have any humour to be expunged. Or maybe the government did not wish to pick a fight with the sort of people that believed a bazooka should be given to every three year old. Either way, if someone had to be born who would go on to change the way the country was run, it would have to be here in the Underbelly.

No one would have thought that this young man of twenty two would be that person, just by taking in his appearance. He was like any other youth in the Underbelly, tall and built like an ox. There was perhaps one thing which would have given him away, if anyone had been able to recognize its significance: the laughter lines around his eyes that made him look prematurely old. As it was, the only thing that came of it was the occasional volley of juvenile taunts targeting his grandfatherly looks. This didn’t really bother him any more. What did bother him was the fact that he hated most things in the world. He disliked the way people beat up each other if they couldn’t agree on each other’s favourite colours. He despised the way people dragged themselves to work everyday, heavy in the foot, and returned home, if anything even more tired and weary. Was everyone a machine? He often dreamed of leaving the Underbelly and plying his trade in the city.

Karman, as this young man was known, forcefully interrupted his musings and tried to concentrate on the forge in front of him. He worked in the largest of the Underbelly’s numerous weapons factories as an apprentice blacksmith. His was a coveted job, as his master often reminded him, but this prestige was something he just could not feel.

“Are you slacking off again, Karman?”

It was the master, a man who never did any actual work it seemed. However, he had a million eyes, Karman felt, which he used to keep watch over the young apprentices.

“This is not working you know. It is only my friendship with your father that’s keeping you here. If it was up to me, I would thrash the laziness out of you with one of those poker irons. It is worthless little scoundrels like you that I fear will destroy the Underbelly.” He paused to wipe the spittle that had collected at the sides of his mouth.

“I never asked you to stop work to listen to me. Get back to work, and watch that barrel. The way you are making it, anyone who uses it is only going to blow himself up.”

This rant in itself was nothing new, but Karman was feeling particularly disconsolate today. Before he could let better sense stop him, he retorted – ‘Why don’t you do some work for a change, Honourable Master? You sit there and become fatter by the day.”

The Weaponsmaster said nothing. He stood up, extracted a poker from the fireplace and walked over to him. “I’ve had enough of your insolence. Consider this a friendly warning.” And he branded Karman on the cheek with the red hot iron.

Karman ran till his legs began to feel like slabs of rock, and further. But the pain did not go away. He went back to his favourite place in the Underbelly, a little cave in a hilly region near the border. He wept for some time, and then contemplated a rather novel feeling that seemed to be washing over him in waves. He felt capable of murder. While this seems like status quo for the Underbelly, Karman had always been passive to the point where he preferred sitting alone in a dark room to going hunting with the other men. Now, he found himself plotting numerous methods of revenge, all of which ended with a gruesome death for the Weaponsmaster. The feeling eventually passed and another emotion took hold of him; one that seemed cruelly out of context. He felt like laughing. Usually he would stuff one fist into his mouth to stop it, a lesson painfully learnt from innumerable childhood beatings, but this time he let go. He laughed till his stomach complained, and laughed so loud that startled birds in nearby trees flew away to find quieter housing. The cave rumbled back a growled response as the sound travelled full circle through the stone, but he still didn’t stop. When he finally did, he wiped involuntary tears from the corners of his eyes, and realized that somewhere amidst the racket, he had actually made a decision. He would leave the Underbelly, for good or worse.

The border, as the name suggested, separated the Underbelly controlled regions from the rest of the city. Perhaps in the past it had bustled with activity, with both sides trying to sneak spies to the other. Today, it was a barren, desolate place, overgrown with shrubbery and barely passable at all. One sentry was all that each side maintained, in a weak nod to their once vigorous enmity. Karman knew the area close to the border quite well; he never passed up an opportunity to come here and soak in the sheer beauty of uninterrupted silence. He knew where the Underbelly sentry would be, and also knew that he slept sixteen hours a day. As he crept towards the barebones shack where the unfortunate sentry dozed, he realized that he had timed his visit right. Even from a distance of twenty feet he could hear the snores. He crossed the rampant undergrowth quickly, eager to put some distance between him and a potential pursuit.

Presently he noticed a thinning in the greenery. This could only indicate that he had reached the government controlled side of the border. He slowed, and eventually stopped to crouch behind a largish rock. He had caught sight of what could only be the sentry’s shack, though the smooth black stone and blinking lights near the doorway suggested something entirely otherworldly. The building was slightly lower down the slope to him, and through the window, he could see the silhouette of a sleeping man. This fact cheered him up immensely; some things really are universal! He made his way slowly towards the shack, having established that there was no other route. Just when everything seemed to be going well, something happened that reiterated his faith in a humorous God.

As he neared the shack, the lights near the doorway began to blink and change patterns rapidly. This must have been some kind of an alarm, as clatters and bangs from within indicated that the sentry had woken up. Karman froze, hoping the alarm, which unlike the ones back in the Underbelly did not seem to rely on an ear-shattering din to do its job, would quiet down by itself. It did not work, and when Karman heard the sound of the doorway hissing open, he realized that he had left it too late. He was in the open and had nowhere to go. The sentry, who was just as fat and timid as his counterpart on the other side of the border, looked thoroughly shocked to see another human being, and made valiant attempts to extract a weapon from its wall casing. He managed it after some frenzied grappling, and before Karman could stop playing the rabbit caught in the headlights, had hefted it and fired it.

A pleasantly surprised (and unhurt) Karman opened his eyes after a few seconds only to see the sentry writhing in pain on the ground in front of him. He had accidentally shot himself! Karman was so relieved at his incredible stroke of luck that he burst out laughing. The hitherto quiet alarm took offence to this act and promptly raised the ear shattering din he had expected all along. The blinking lights, he noticed belatedly, were part of a bigger machine, a machine that his love for history put a name to. The Rideometer. He unfroze and began to sprint down the path away from the shack. Only seconds later, a group of veiled men and women had surrounded him and wrestled him to the ground. As he contemplated the number of ways he would be tortured by these people (whose presently hidden faces were uniformly replaced by that of the Weaponsmaster), he caught snippets of their whispered conversation.

“Is he actually from the other side?”
“Oh my god, if people start crossing over, we actually have a chance.”
“Yeah, those guys are supposed to hate the government.”
“Wait, we are getting ahead of ourselves, maybe this is a spy.”
“He’s listening to us!”

At this point something hard and heavy made contact with the side of his head and Karman lost consciousness before he could wrap his head around the unexpected things he had heard.

When we woke up, he found himself in a large comfortable room, warmly ensconced in a luxurious blanket. He rolled over, and observed that he was on a bed that seemed big enough to hold at least one fifteen foot giant, or five normal humans. His head still throbbed painfully, and his groping fingers soon identified a pebble sized lump on the back of his head. Further contemplation was interrupted by a cool female voice.

“Welcome, person from the other side.”

Karman swivelled around to stare into the part of the room that was shrouded in darkness. Apparently there had been someone there all along. A woman stepped out from the shadows, looking grim and morbid. She was rather short and petite, and dressed like a soldier, with her numerous pockets bulging with exotic weaponry.

“You know, you are the first person to cross over that we have managed to capture. Those government agents always beat us to it. You are extremely lucky to land up here.” Noticing Karman’s suspicious expression, she assured him seriously, “Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you. Sorry about that lump on your head, we can’t be too careful you know.” She looked into the shadowy region she had recently vacated, as if expecting a wild animal to leap out.

“It was the fact that you did not have the vaccination marks on your forearm that convinced us. Anyway, welcome to our group, and as soon as you are ready, tell me, for we have plenty of work for you.” Karman had no idea who they were and why they wanted him to work for them. He compressed all the doubts assailing him into one admirably concise question – “Who are you?”

At this, the woman nodded to herself grimly, as if expecting that question. “Thank you for asking. That was the final test you know… if you had not asked the question, my guards would have shot you immediately.”

She said her name was Risa and that she was the head of a small group of rebels. Karman listened to her ramble about how life was so bad under the government, and how they were all so unhappy. At this point he interrupted, feeling a little bit perplexed. “But what exactly is your problem? All you’ve said is that you are unhappy.”

Risa dithered for a bit about ‘poor ambience’ and ‘misdirected focus’ before finally admitting that they had no idea. Pre-empting questions about the pointlessness of their existence, Risa added, “We are comfortable with each other, that’s all. And we hate the government.”

As Karman quickly became accustomed to the ways of the rebels, he discovered many more things about them. For instance, he realized that the term ‘rebels’ was a bit of an exaggeration for the pathetic bunch of anti-social misfits that they actually were. They had never actually engaged the government in any sort of warfare, and when Karman inquired about casualties, they actually shirked away from him as though he’d said something distasteful. More importantly, however, Karman began to see that the rebels were a lot like him, even if they had no idea about it. Many things he heard Risa, and the others say, he’d said to himself before. They disliked the violence that teemed all around them. They hated the drudgery that their daily life had become. They missed the lighter side of life – the sports, the laughter and all the fun things in the world. As they had never experienced any other way of life, they became gloomy and frustrated.

Karman soon found himself a job. He had never thought of himself as a teacher, but now, as he often privately congratulated himself, he was the best humour theorist the world had seen. He gathered to himself groups of adoring kids and explained the finer points of wit, and the subtleties of sarcasm.

“One form of humour is all about connections. You laugh when someone uses his/her imagination to link obscure things. Free your mind, forget everything your parents have told you about the world, and you might just understand.” He narrated them a joke, a personal favourite about an ant and a foolish elephant. To his delight, a few of the kids actually laughed. Emboldened by success, his battered and bruised knack for wittiness recovered quickly.

The children were then taught how to make fun of other people, an act that resulted in quite a few thrashings before the adults gradually got used to it. He also taught them the fine art of slapstick humour. Boys and girls were forced to contort their faces and bodies in spectacular ways in an attempt to elicit laughter. The unfortunate ones were also made to slip on banana peels, swim in pools of muck and have their pyjamas ripped off by their impish friends. One day, when one of the kids commented on how he looked like a prospective thief who had tried to sneak down the chimney, only to find that the fireplace had been lit; he realized that his methods were working. The kid had of course been referring to the ugly burn marks on his face.

Memories from his previous life slowly faded for Karman, but for one person – the Weaponsmaster, the man who had permanently disfigured him. One night, in the middle of one of his usual nightmares about the same man, something unusual happened. He imagined the Weaponsmaster laughing. This notion was so ridiculous that he awoke with a start and laughed till his sides hurt. During the next couple of days, Karman waxed lyrical on the joys of exaggeration. He suggested that the kids try and imagine their least favourite members of the government doing impossible things. The obese law minister, one kid proudly claimed, had just attempted a spectacular pirouette and landed flat on his backside. To Karman’s delight, this technique seemed to work on the adults to a certain extent. He vividly recalled the day he caught Risa in splits, having attempted to imagine the prime minister choke on a fish bone while trying to laugh. But Karman discovered the best technique of them all, last. Laughter, he realized was contagious, and therefore the best way to make people laugh is to make them see other people laugh. With this observation, the most humourless of the adults gave in.

Several months passed this way, and when Karman finally felt that he had done all he could, he approached Risa with a plan.

“I think I know how to topple the government.” Risa, who had been sipping some kind of tasteless fluid, nearly choked on it. With as much dignity as she could mutter, what with tears streaming from her eyes and a spluttering voice, she asked “What do you mean?”

Karman explained how he had long since come to the conclusion that you could not fight the government on their own terms, bazookas, hand grenades and all. The rebels had to use the one thing the government could not stand: humour.

“You don’t have to kill the leaders to topple the government, you know. You just have to discredit them.” Risa nodded noncommittally, not really following. Karman clarified himself, once more employing his unique talent for briefness.

“You have to make them laugh.”

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It would either be the finest hour for the rebels, or their most miserable. Karman had insisted that they not immediately carry out their plan. They had bided their time and chosen the day when they would be able to inflict maximum damage. It was the only time of the year when the entire Council of Ministers appeared together to address the public. It was the Annual Solemnity Day.

Karman took in the imposing monolith that the Auditorium was. Built with the same ubiquitous black granite as the rest of the city, it towered over it, looking like an immense Eye that never blinked. It was rumoured that it could seat the entire population of the city if needed. Today, it was needed. Karman who had seated himself in the first tier of seats squinted into the higher levels, privately amused by the rows and rows of glum looking people. That would change soon, he told himself. A minister was speaking about the purpose of existence, and how it was our duty to do our duty with the utmost seriousness. As the words began to blur into an indistinguishable whine, Karman was rudely awoken by Risa, who was sitting beside him.

“The Prime Minister’s speech is nearly done. Get ready.”

The Prime Minister finished his long winded polemic and opened the session for questions. Karman stood up and his hard earned first row seating (it was nearest to the dais) paid off rich dividends. The Prime Minister pointed one flabby finger, motioning him to continue.

“I would like to thank you, sir for opening our eyes and letting us see what humanity is truly about. I believe that if we are not serious about the things we do, we do not deserve to live at all. Thank you once more.” The Prime Minister tried hard not to visibly preen and managed to arrange his features into a TV-friendly grimace.

“I would like to seek your blessings so that I can imbibe some of your purposefulness into my worthless life.” The Prime Minister started at this statement and looked rather foolishly towards the assembled Council members for guidance. The Council for its part looked appropriately stony, and the Prime Minister had to make the decision for himself.

“All right, you can approach the dais, but you only get a moment. But the government always approves of righteous citizens, remember that.”

Karman approached slowly, looking around at the many Rideometers that surrounded the platform. He thought grimly that he had never felt less likely to burst out laughing. This was it, two months of planning had gone into this, and it was up to him now. As he started to climb the stairs, he deliberately tripped and flailed around wildly, trying to regain his balance. The rebels swung into action. A bucketful of carefully manufactured slime was flung from one of the upper tiers, and Karman fell smack into it. As Karman attempted to get up, his trousers ripped. A couple of titters broke out from the crowd, and while the Council looked thoroughly shocked, none of them relented just yet. It was the children’s turn now.

The rebel children burst out laughing. The Auditorium shook with the sound and the Rideometers went berserk. The adults looked stunned at the sudden turn of events, and hesitated. This momentary pause was enough for laughter to work its magic. Soon every kid in the auditorium was rolling around on the floor; quite a few adults joined in too. The sentries looked lost – they just did not have the firepower to shoot down half the city.

Karman lay on the ground, covered in slime and sopping wet. He had his torn pants to thank for an uncomfortable breeze that played around his legs. His simulated fall had turned out to be slightly less simulated than he intended, and a sharp pain knifed through his calves. Groaning, he stood up, and watched, as time itself seemed to come to a standstill, the Prime Minister crack an unwilling smile.

Read the pdf version here.

The Last Hour

This one's a short, short story for Shaastra 2009. There was a 1000 word limit and the topics were already provided, so well..

Hundreds of sobbing, drenched, filthy people filled the pit. As the last of the ships rose shakily into the murky sky, a collective wail rose from the crowd. These were people whose thirst for life was far from quenched. They had work to do - businesses to run, knowledge to acquire, a whole life to live. They would not see another day alive.


She hadn't moved for hours. The light had long since gone out, and she could barely see the tips of her fingers. Still she sat motionless. Memories of a different Earth, one not as ravaged as the one she had grown to despise, filled her with unbearable longing. Resentment seemed quite pointless now. Ignoring the loud complaints of weathered joints and broken furniture, she made her way to the only window in the room. A dim light, almost ghostly to her morbid eyes, illuminated the streets outside. The scorched sky was filled with thousands and thousands of little lights. Laggards, who probably won't even make it to the Moon, she thought a touch cynically.

It was the day a surprised humankind woke up to a brutal reality. Their planet was going to be destroyed, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. It was an asteroid, a rogue, as several scientists dutifully explained, that had been deflected towards the Earth by the overpowering gravity of the giant planet Jupiter. Hardly anyone listened. It was an event that only occurred once in a billion years, the scientists added almost consolingly. Hardly anyone cared. Politicians whose petty inconsequentiality had never before thrown into such sharp focus, asked how long they had. Unwilling to commit, the scientists dithered. Five years it was.

She ambled through the empty streets aimlessly. The was no gentle hum of the evening crowd and no high pitched cries of excitable children; there was no one to be seen at all. Involuntarily, the mathematician in her tried to justify this observation – the number of people still left on the planet paled in comparison to the size of the Earth itself. Rows and rows of squat little brick buildings passed her by, with only the odd concrete and glass behemoth to break the monotony. It was interesting how everything's original purpose seemed to be blurred now. All that was left was a distinct sense of stagnation.


The squabbling stopped surprisingly quickly. The machinery of the world stuttered but did not stop. It simply applied itself to a different end. Some said everyone would be safe on the Moon. Others said nowhere in the solar system would be safe enough. As protecting the Earth was no longer a priority, they would build spacecraft from the soil itself. Vast swathes were carved out of the crust, and fused with artificial heavy metal cores to make stable little worldlets.

She approached one such pit. It was so big that its rim could not be discerned at all; only a practiced eye could have picked out the gently sloping contours. A heart rending whine cut through the howling wind. Squinting to see through the ever present dust, she discovered a puppy trying to shelter itself against the elements. Little paws scrabbled uselessly against the packed earth. She walked over, picked up the puppy and made inexperienced attempts at calming the wretched creature.

They said that there was not enough of the Earth to build spacecraft to evacuate everyone. The squabbling began once more. People were told that they were just as likely to die in space as on the ground. No one believed a word of it. Legislation was the next step – old, diseased people were quietly and firmly rejected permits, while multitudes of poor people did not even get to apply. Those who complained were reviled as evil people intent on destroying humanity's newly acquired unity.

It had become perceptibly brighter. She looked up into the sky and picked out the object that had caused everyone such pain. The asteroid was brighter than the brightest planet now, bright enough to cast the dim light that illuminated the dying planet. She had been one of those who had opposed the legislation. Having been one of the privileged few who had worked on the construction of the spacecraft, she knew that everything the politicians had said was a lie. There was enough space to accommodate everyone. She made valiant efforts to make herself heard, before ultimately rejecting her permit in protest, too battered and weary to continue. Her musings were interrupted by fresh cries from the puppy, who too seemed to have sensed change in the air. Extracting the last piece of chocolate from her trouser pocket, she gave it to the puppy.

They cracked the earth, and they scorched the sky. A perpetual layer of soot and dust remained behind as a dirty fingerprint of the action, as thousands of spacecraft ascended into an uncertain future. Animals were 'culled' as spacecraft resources were apparently not enough to sustain anything non-human. A handful of DNA samples was all that was retained of four billion years of evolution. Meanwhile, desperate people took to building their own spacecraft. Failed experiments left black scars on the tortured earth.

The asteroid did not relent in its inexorable approach. The thick air broke apart the now stronger light into many angular rays. A mild heat stung her skin. She found herself a handy little niche that protected her from the worst of the raging wind. The puppy slept blissfully in her veined arms. Memories of her family still assailed her, but their harsh rejection of her ideas and their subsequent departure, did not seem to sting quite so much now. A faint whine filled the air. Broken and lonely people, so far silenced by futility, seemed to have re-awoken to their predicament. It would not be long now. The puppy stirred, but only rolled over and continued to sleep. She closed her eyes.

Monday 30 March 2009

The Story of Life

This one's for Cactus Flower

Perhaps you could call them immortals. Strictly speaking they weren’t, not because they dropped dead ever so often, but because they did not know what death was. There were only a hundred of them and shockingly, referred to each other by two digit names from 00-99. They lived in their own microcosm of the universe where many once important things were supremely irrelevant. Money, business and physical activity fell in this category. Food, drink and shelter weren’t strictly irrelevant, but automated well enough to appear irrelevant. Of course, with hundreds of millions of square kilometres of land area available, and a paltry hundred beings to use it, the dog-eat-dog ideals of capitalism seemed slightly superfluous and completely unheard of, bless Friedman’s long dead soul. So, what did they do then? These beings, whom we will call the Numbers for convenience’s sake, were all philosophers. They knew exactly what their purpose of existence was. It was to find out what their purpose of existence was. And given the not inconsiderable time they had at their disposal, they were remarkably brisk with their actions.

It was the fifth weekly (212th annual) Disagreement meeting. Number 08 had felt that their previously held views regarding the cosmic connection between the periodic variations in luminosity of Saturn’s E-ring and the periodic variations in duration of daily ablutions were slightly flawed. This ingenious discovery stemmed from her personal, well-documented observations. Another thing about the Numbers was this. Any philosopher worth his/her salt must have a working knowledge of the universe’s workings too, or what the hell would he/she philosophize about? The Numbers had unparalleled knowledge of every single natural science known, but for biology. The only forms of life they had ever seen were themselves, and they thought they were ethereal souls with an illusory corporeal manifestation. If their physical selves ever seemed real (like when they accidentally stabbed themselves with Styrofoam forks), it was just to remind them that their souls were fragile and needed protection. Anyway, The Disagreement was a highly formalized institution where a disquieted Number would be provided a platform to air his/her views. If the disagreement was deemed meritorious enough (democratically, of course) further debate would ensue, following which the Numbers would move to another acceptable cosmology (philosophical jargon for a world-view). Number 08’s disagreement was put down to periodic variations in the periodic variations of luminosity of Saturn’s E-ring and the petition dismissed. Again, Dark Age human beings might ask if she wasn’t frustrated, disappointed or negatively affected in any manner. The answer is a (perplexed-by-the-inanity-of-this-question) no. The only emotion beyond happiness, joy, orgasmic delight and curiosity that these beings were capable of experiencing was doubt. Doubt, which only anomalous evidence generates, and Doubt that is put to bed by the voice of the majority. Number 08’s satisfactorily resolved Doubt was not the interesting thing about this particular meeting however. A Number had not turned up.

This in itself was such a stunning break from tradition, that the ninety nine remaining beings were confounded for a while. After several ponderous debates, they decided, true to the noblest ideals of democracy, that the matter was worthy of further investigation. Now this conclusion was slightly less trivial than it seemed. Every Number lived in a well-equipped cubicle which was attached to an automated farm, an automated water source and an automated transport vehicle to take him/her to the Disagreement Room. Theoretically there was a door, and they could see the Inside of the Outside, but no one in Living Memory seemed to have done so. There’s a caveat lurking here. If these beings are truly immortal, then they must have some memory of the time when they shared the planet with mortals, right? The solution to this puzzle is simply that their memories are not immortal. Their memories actually have an upper limit to their capacity, of 200 years, give or take 10 (as established in the 103rd annual Disagreement). Having decided that twenty five Numbers (from 27-51) would go on to explore the Inside of the Outside, the rest retired to their cubicles.

Presently, the twenty five found the cubicle of Number 66, the missing one. It had taken two years to explore the intervening area of two square kilometres that separated it from the Disagreement Room, in a properly satisfactory Doubt-free manner. And what an intellectually thrilling ride it was! Now they knew the purpose of roads and signposts, streetlights and the outsides of doors. The ontological function of a door’s inside was quite self-evident. It led from the Inside to the Inside of the Outside; but the inverse was trickier. Opening the newly Doubt-free outside of the door, they observed the supine form of Number 66 lying on the cubicle floor. Number 66’s mouth was open, and her arms lay motionless by her side. Her eyes were open and her skin seemed to possess an unnatural pallor.

The twenty five thought she was being rather rude by sleeping in this novel manner. Physical contact being unknown to them, they decided to reset her daily alarm to try and wake her up. Meanwhile, Number 33 noticed that something was written on 66’s 3-D diary. It simply said ‘Do not go Outside’. The twenty five, already inundated by a vast number of Doubts, assumed that this was merely Number 66’s way of expressing a Doubt. (After all, wasn’t she the one who slept in so strange a manner?) They decided to discuss the possibility of visiting the Outside of the Outside, as well as the weighty issue of how to wake up Number 66, in the next Disagreement meeting.

Several meetings later, they still could not wake Number 66 up. The Doubt that plagued Number 66 seemed to have infected the ninety nine too. They decided that the only way of resolving this issue was to follow Number 66, and explore the Outside of the Outside. Again they decided that twenty five (41-65, these numbers are anything but random, they are of grave cosmological significance) Numbers would undertake this great expedition, while the rest would dedicate themselves to the task of animating Number 66.

The second group tried many things to wake Number 66 up. They read to her all her catalogued doubts in Living Memory, perhaps in the hope that they she would wake up and debate them once more. They sang, danced and philosophized. They painted the inside of her door blue and left it open on alternate nights. They sat in a circle around her on cloudy days and stood in a circle on sunny ones. Nothing worked. Meanwhile, another Doubt reared its head. What happened to the twenty five? It had been over two months now, and they had not returned.

The rest could not know it, but the twenty five would not return. This is what happened to them.


They had, after over a month of Doubt-ridden exploration found the gate to the Outside of the Outside. It was simple to identify, as it did not have a 3-D signpost like the rest; it just said ‘Outside’. The Outside of the Outside looked a lot like an outside. Everything was a uniform red, and there were no roads or signposts. In the distance, covered by the clouds, were groups of what looked like giant ant hills. They decided to make their way there. Only a little while later, something profoundly strange happened. It was so strange that after a protracted debate, the twenty five agreed that the occurrence could be accorded the status of an Epiphany. They saw another living creature. It walked on four legs, and seemed to be covered with thick, brown hair. It had a long nose, pointy ears and immensely sharp teeth. Also, a queer appendage seemed to project from its hind legs. They decided to engage the creature in parley, and learn of its aims, motivations and desires. The creature made a strange, howling sound and was soon joined by other creatures that resembled it in most respects. The twenty five were delighted; now there were enough of the other race to make it a functioning democracy. They did not last long.

The remaining Numbers too had something of an Epiphany. Seventy five beings in a cubicle (that of the stubbornly sleeping Number 66), despite each cubicle’s sybaritic luxury of expanse, was really too much and the inevitable happened. A Number tripped over another Number’s foot. The discovery that their corporeal selves were not really illusory was so far reaching that two hundred Disagreement meetings were needed to confirm that their discovery wasn’t an illusion too. The Numbers had only one way of clearing up Doubts that could not be philosophized, and that was through experiment. The more fortunate beings had their arms and legs ripped out; others lost their heads, hearts and intestines. This was quite all right; they were only sleeping, remember? They could be woken up any time, as soon as the cause of the soporific anomaly was pinpointed through more experiments. In a short while, all but three were put to sleep.

The three (25,50,75 – again, not random at all) stopped experimenting. They had fallen below the stipulated quorum that a functioning democracy required. They could still organize Disagreement meetings, and take measured democratic decisions; but only decisions that did not affect the state of the rest of the population. The three (two women and a man) decided to perform more experiments. This time, they chose the humble farm as the target of their machinations. They had observed that shutting down of the attached farm also put the occupant to sleep. The entities in the farms may be the key. The pea plant, they observed, seemed to have only two varieties of flowers, the white and the pink. Something about the ratios was inherently Doubtful. More experiments were needed. They also seemed to be making a lot more physical contact, which in certain permutations, they found surprisingly pleasurable. More manoeuvrings were in order here too.

The Cosmic Wanderer

This story was written for the shelved APOGEE event - the Sci-Fi chronicles. The level of inanity is directly proportional to the time spent on the story of course, and this one got a measly two hours.


I woke up one Sunday morning and left the room very early. And I was in for a shock. Out in the gathering mist I could see a spacecraft. A large, green thing, it was bobbing gently, about forty feet above the lawns before me. Outwardly cautious, but inwardly bursting with excitement, I made my way through the dew-slick grass. Meanwhile, my brain feverishly worked out theories: somehow all of them ended with a recently awoken, sweaty me. Pessimism will be the bane of humankind! I could see it more clearly now. It was a featureless sphere, vaguely silvery actually, only giving the illusion of a greenish glow. It really looked like a spaceship, but then, as that nosy voice in my head pointed out kindly, it could have been a real spaceship in a real dream. (I have fought pesky forty-foot tall dragons, rescued beautiful damsels from one eyed ogres, transmuted into a bullfrog and even twirled the Sears Towers on my little finger; all in my sleep, and all accompanied by the most realistic of corporeal experiences.)Presently, I found myself directly underneath the ship. There was a doorway, only it was forty feet up. True to the surreal nature of the whole experience, I suddenly felt a surge of raw power burn through my muscles. I picked up a stone and threw it straight up. I waited for what seemed like a whole minute,but it did not return. I leapt towards the entrance.

The inside of the ship was as featureless as the outside. I had been in the ship for what seemed like days, and the only interesting thing that had happened in the whole period (besides the door shutting on me as soon as I flew in) was that I observed the scent of my mother’s deodorant coming from the walls. That too passed. The Voice informed me, rather superciliously, that my dreams aren’t usually this boring. Just then, without any warning, an entrance opened in the roof (Voice: “Has the ship been rotating?”). Sighing, I leapt again. After a moment of heart-stopping disorientation, I noticed that I was on another planet. I looked back towards the spaceship (it was a bright pink now. Voice: ”!!”) and surprise, surprise, the entrance wasn’t there anymore. Still convinced that I was in a dream, I shelved that worry and decided to explore the planet. The first thing I noticed was that it rather looked like a Viking picture of Mars. Everything was red. The pebbles (they covered a very pebbly plain that stretched as far as I could see) were red, the sky had a reddish tinge and even the distant mountains seemed to be topped with red snow. There was a bright star in the sky, halfway up what I presumed was the Eastern sky. The star looked about half as big as the Sun, and didn’t really seem to be doing any good; I caught myself shivering. The sky lightened perceptibly, and I felt a pleasant stinging heat on my back. I turned around, to be treated to one of the most delightful experiences any Earthling can dream of (Voice: “… or dream about”). A second sunrise. The second star seemed to be twice as big as its companion, and seemed faintly yellowish. A gleam in the distance caught my eye, and I walked towards it. Long before I reached it, I deduced that it was some kind of liquid source. The all-too-familiar sound of lapping waves filled my ears. The liquid looked jet black and opaque, but I fancied that I glimpsed movement beneath the all pervading blackness. (Voice: “What if it’s carnivorous?”) As much as I would like to believe that I am immune to the Voice, a vague sense of dread soon enveloped me, and I walked away hastily. Surprisingly, considering that I had felt neither hunger nor thirst, I soon began to feel drowsy. I lay down on the soft red mud, and fell asleep.

It was dark when I woke up. I groggily contemplated whether nights would be significantly shorter in binary star systems. There were many revolving lights in the sky. Pieces of rock in orbit, I told myself. (Voice: ”They are satellites and they are watching you!”) Presently, I noticed something which got me excited again. Despite the obviously alien nature of the planet, and the obviously undeniable fact that there were two parent stars, the night sky seemed mostly Earth-like. I picked out the three bright stars that made up the belt of Orion the hunter. The Big Dipper too was there; a frenzied couple of minutes later I established that most constellations were the same. All, that is, except for Cassiopeia. It seemed to have an extra star. As realization dawned, blood rushed painfully to my face and a dull, heavy weight seemed to have ensconced itself somewhere in my stomach. That was the Sun, and I was in the Alpha Centauri star system. Retrospective clairvoyance seemed to paint the star a very distinct sun-like yellow. For the first time in hours, I looked for the spaceship. It wasn’t anywhere in sight. (Voice: “This is no dream!”). I walked around aimlessly.

After another short, restless nap, I noticed that it was light again. I wasn’t despairing anymore, as I had once again talked myself into believing that it was only a dream. The spaceship stood some distance away, quietly glowing and bobbing in the dim light (it was a poisonous green now). And the entrance was open. I ran towards it, any lingering circumspection abandoned, and leapt towards the doorway.

I have been a space traveller for a couple of years now. I have seen many, many beautiful and spectacular things- the majestic cosmic dance of two colliding galaxies viewed from an ejected stellar system, a blue star that varied in brightness so quickly that each day had several nights, a red giant so big that it covered two-thirds of the sky and a planetary nebula that looked like a gibbon’s bottom. The lasting emotion, however, is that of boredom. I am convinced that the spaceship can somehow sense my mood; once, it changed itself to smell like unwashed underpants when I despaired of the scent of my mother’s deodorant (yes, that one seems to be a fixture), and another time, it covered itself with lifesize pictures of Elvis Presley (I still haven’t worked out an explanation for that one). I sleep a lot, sometimes involuntarily it seems. Perhaps the spaceship feeds me then, and quenches my thirst. Oh, by the way, I think I have cobbled together an adequate explanation for the spaceship’s existence. It is a sort of cosmic derelict, left to wander the universe of space-time. I also think it’s been built by humans, for, not once have I reached a world where I burst like a tomato on stepping out, or freeze to death instantaneously. Interestingly though, the spaceship hasn’t revisited any planet again. I still haven’t given up hope though.

There you go, the doorway’s open again. See you around, then.

Saturday 28 March 2009

An Age Old Story

This one was written for The Scian science fiction short story writing competition. I think this one can be made into a novel, if ever I find the patience to do so.

PRELUDE
The fogger looked again through his binoculars – yes, it was definitely there. He smiled in anticipation. He could feel the strangeness of his discovery, and for foggers, strangeness translated to money; perhaps lots of it. The smile faded a little when he saw the barren land stretching away before him, like an implacably evil predator lying in wait. Perhaps, some of those city bound tubs of lard would prefer a decent old patch of barren land to insect laden forests, but foggers knew better: Barren land meant swarms, and swarms were deadly. He wiped sweat (and a handful of bugs) off his brow, and considered the risk. He had heard tales of the sheer swiftness of a swarm attack; one cocky fogger, the story went, decided to retrieve some 20th century gold from a particularly swarm-infested section of the Wildlands, a region even the legendary El-Rosso feared to tread. He had a jet pack, and remarkably sophisticated maps to track the gold, how hard could it be, he’d thought, to just drop in at point X, retrieve the treasure, fire the jet pack and scram. From here on, the story diverges. All versions agree that he never returned, but the more morbid ones go on to say that he dropped stone dead before he could hit the button to fire his jet pack. The fogger pushed these thoughts away, he’d fallen on hard times and this was a potential windfall he couldn’t miss for anything. He picked up a stone, hurled it into the distance and waited. Nothing happened; no hellish swarm instantly materialized and swallowed the stone whole. He didn’t trust the calm. Who knows – they might be smart enough to know that the stone isn’t alive. He looked around, and picked up a fat bullfrog trying to catch an evening snack. He threw the frog into the barren patch. Again he waited, and watched; there wasn’t any movement, apart from the thin layer of dust lifted and carried by the capricious wind. He picked up his equipment and ran.

THE DISCOVERY
The young man gingerly selected a whiteboard marker from the basket and went back to the board to begin his presentation. He looked mightily uncomfortable, which was understandable considering the fact that he was someone used to high-detail 3-D holographic presentations. He hadn’t held an actual pen before the Breakout. He squinted at his hastily assembled, but high-profile audience – the President of the Governing Council was there and so was the Defence Secretary. The Chairman of the Inter-disciplinary scientific committee was present, and also, he noted disapprovingly, the head of the Council for Metaphysical Discussion. He cleared his throat loudly to draw their attention.
“Gentlemen, our scientists tell us that we may have found the Holy Grail of science.” He smiled inwardly at the dumbstruck silence, and paused longer than necessary for dramatic effect.
“Biological immortality.” He didn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t the pandemonium that ensued. Everyone started talking at the same time. He raised a hand for silence.
“Let me clarify.” He pushed his long hair out of his eyes, and continued. “Two days ago, a rather desperate fogger came to us with a clump of grass and asked for a fortune in return. Naturally, the receptionist believed him to be a madman (‘You have no idea how many crazy foggers come to us, thinking they have discovered the key to the next great scientific paradigm’) and attempted to politely usher him out of the office. ‘But wait,’ he said, ‘I have pictures to prove it.’ Only, half-interested, she took the pictures. They showed a mundane expanse of grass, and the residual interest faded away. ‘But, don’t you see that patch of grass over there?’ the fogger continued, ‘that patch is always green! Look at the grass around that patch, it’s turning brown (it’s autumn), but this patch’s always green,’ his voice cracked in excitement, ‘I swear! Those pictures I showed span two months, and the grass patch hasn’t dulled a single bloody bit!’
‘All right, Mr, er, El-Paco, our scientists will look into it, and we’ll call you if there’s anything,’ the receptionist responded, finality etched in her voice. Now, it seems that the fogger may actually have struck gold this time. Scientists have long yearned for that little tweak to our genetic structure that would double, triple or perhaps, indefinitely lengthen our life span.” He paused again, apparently lost in thought.
“Let me give you folks some biological background. Our scientists have known for some time that telomeres, small DNA segments attached to the ends of all chromosomes, have something to do with aging. Telomeres are like protective buffers that prevent vital information from being lost during cell division (mitosis), but their length decreases every time a cell divides. Here’s the catch – there’s a limit to how short telomeres can get (usually around 50 cell divisions can be done before they get too short), and then the cell is programmed to age and die. Scale up your perspective, and we have all the outward signs of aging as a direct result of telomere shortening.”
“I am perfectly aware of the ethical implications of any anti-aging research. But,” he stopped abruptly, and directed a pointed glance towards the two exalted members of the Governing Council, “the issue of defence necessitates a field study, in the very least.”
“Consider this. The Knarl administration would give an arm and a leg for this kind of information, and although we injected a truckload of cash into the fogger’s account, we cannot be sure that he didn’t approach them while we still, er, reviewing his case.” Worried glances spread like wildfire through the small group. The word ‘Knarl’ always seemed to do the trick.
“Why do they want this information? The biggest problem that plagues the Knarl population today is the mechanism for artificial senescence that we put in. They don’t want to die, but their structural units inevitably fail and lead to death in a decade. It’s no wonder they seek the fountain of youth.”
“That’s all right, but why a field study? Didn’t that fogger chap return with samples?” A dignified voice pointed out- the Defence Secretary’s. “An expedition to the Wildlands, particularly one that requires us to push so far inland is nothing short of suicide,” he finished, his voice picking up volume as his indignation rose.
“It’s true that he returned with samples, but Dr Timen, our chief geneticist, tells us that unless we get an animal sample, we cannot truly unlock this mystery. Plants happen to be structurally quite different.”
The speaker raised a pre-emptive hand. “I know what you are going to ask. ‘How can you be sure?’ We cannot, but my only response is this – how can we afford not to be sure?”

THE PREPARATIONS
She loved retrospection. She also loved saying that retrospection is the second most futile thing in the universe. What was the first? As she shouted herself hoarse repeating, ‘A peace accord with the Knarls.’ For what was the 419th time (she was a bio-mathematician, so counting was her forte, and additionally, she had a diary), she reflected on humanity’s greatest mistake and the aftermath. The mental debate’s self-appointed mediator, a meddlesome pompous ass that lived in her head interrupted rudely, again. “Wait… One greatest mistake?” OK, there may be several. Today’s hindsight-powered historians deplore the fall of the erstwhile manufacturing industry as the event that started the rot- what had been a bustling hub of commercial activity, not to mention a source of employment for millions of sweaty human beings, had been erased almost overnight.
The spark was nanotechnology. Nanotechnology had been around for eons, and everyone agreed that it was a great future technology; but if any scientist dared suggest that there was even a slight possibility of immediate benefits, his work would be immediately disparaged and filed in the same mental shelf that housed Flat Earth hypotheses and New Age alchemy. But it all changed with that commercial breakthrough in quantum computing- the building of Quark-X. Quark-X provided a solution to the seemingly insurmountable problem of exponential error spread that dogged research into nanotechnology manufacturing. Nanotechnology’s promise in the field of manufacturing had always lay in bottom up construction. Form a small motor molecule, give it a chemical recipe for combining with primer molecules and watch, as macro-scale machines are built in hours. The problem with this technique was immediately apparent – what if, at an early stage of the construction, an erroneous substrate is built? This faulty molecule sequence would exponentially spread its effects through the progressing construction and make the entire machine unusable. If, on the other hand, a miniscule nano-computer could be included along with the original primer molecules, the computer would monitor the growth of the machine in its assigned segment, and destroy or rebuild faulty substrates. The computer could also have code to duplicate itself as soon as its assigned segment starts to get too bulky.
In the two decades that followed this momentous discovery, researchers in this burgeoning field worked like men possessed. Meanwhile, industries and speculative investors waited, and watched with the keen-eyed glare of a bird of prey, to see what would emerge. Leading economists sparred over the idea’s economic feasibility, some even went on to publish pseudo-analytical papers either heartily supporting the integration of nano-machines, or mercilessly trashing their viability. Philosophers and men of cloth pondered over Doomsday, or Utopia, as their arguments led them. Out of this hodge-podge of frenzied intellectual activity emerged the humble Blocks.
Originally the machines were called Quantum Powered Nanobot Industrial Assistants, or something to that tune; she wasn’t a historian and wasn’t sure. However, common parlance reduced the name to an enunciation-friendly ‘Blocks’. Come to think of it, they did look a lot like blocks. They were mostly cuboidal, with the sleek silvery finish that you associate with expensive objects. They had two ‘arms’, smaller cuboids built to perform a specific task, usually typing or assembly line checking. Some award winning economist soon came up with a long list of calculations that showed that employing these new machines in manufacturing would reduce costs by up to 50 percent, as a conservative estimate. The circling vultures pounced.
No one knows how it happened, but everyone agrees that the transition was really, really fast. If you’d ask her to guess at a number, she would say 40 years, but of course, she wasn’t a historian. The paradigm probably rivalled the computerization revolution that happened in the late 20th century, for pure speed as well as societal impact. Perhaps the original makers of the Blocks only intended them to be used as ‘Assistants’, but the truth is that market dynamics are driven only by one variable, money. Ethics, you say? They are only for people out of touch with reality.
It turned out that the machines themselves- every object from the humble tailoring machine to vast industrial boilers could be built much more cheaply using nanotechnology’s bottom up construction. Soon, Blocks were manufacturing more Blocks. ‘Didn’t someone say something against it?’, asks the armchair historian. Of course, many people said many things. Many people said many things about the devil’s instrument called the computer as well. People cried themselves hoarse about displacement of jobs; the lucky ones were pushed it into management, others summarily retired. The march of technology is the proverbial irresistible force, she thought sadly. So what is the immovable object that counters it? Perhaps there’s nothing which truly fits the bill, she thought darkly.
The advent of nanotechnology is in many people’s eyes humanity’s greatest mistake, but she liked to reserve that honour for what followed. Following the spectacular implosion of traditional manufacturing, everyone wanted a slice of the tasty new pie called nanotech manufacturing. One of the many hands reaching out was that of Artificial Intelligence. AI then, was primarily a theoretical science. Of course, you could argue that things like algorithms to reduce congestion over the internet were practical applications derived from AI, but if you are rigid about definitions, nothing other than a material replication of the human general intelligence is true AI. Replication of human general intelligence was perhaps already done and dusted mathematically, and in parts. What remained was the integration of these programs into a solid, tangible agent, an android if you will.
Like all emerging disciplines, AI was the target of many ethical and philosophical questions, some of which doubted the wisdom of continuing research in the field at all. But, unlike in other disciplines these concerns were not shouted out by the louder voices of capitalist investors – they simply couldn’t see the monetary potential of true AI. If ethical concerns still existed, then how did the Breakout happen? Perhaps, the ruckus surrounding the manufacturing revolution meant that social watchdogs missed the dangers posed. Or, perhaps human beings (with many wearing spectacles, but always myopic) simply couldn’t see the implications; obscured as they were by the utopic visions freely disseminated by rabble-rousers. We will never know.
A tap on her shoulder interrupted her ruminations. “Dr Manto,” said a husky female voice. “Dr Manto, please wake up. You have a visitor.”
“I am awake, Vilskie, just thinking.” She stretched her arms and yawned loudly, which did nothing to support her statement. “Who is it?”
“Apparently he’s a representative of the Governing Council. He wants to talk to you about some kind of top secret mission. I tried to pry details, but his mouth’s sealed tighter than a magnetic airlock.”
“The Governing Council?” she frowned viciously. She strongly opposed the Government’s peace accord with the Knarls, and she was not in the least bit diplomatic about it. The Governing Council, had in many subtle ways tried to shut her up, but their openly professed love for peace meant that they would never do away with someone as high-profile as herself. “Let him in.”
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Strum lolled casually on an expansive sofa in his lavishly furnished suite. He admired the beautiful 3-D TV in the corner, perhaps more so because it was illegal. He often claimed, rather proudly, that 'sybarite' was his middle name. On other occasions, he could be heard saying that 'hedonist' was his middle name. Middle names are free, he told himself lazily. “So, you think I’m a hypocrite?” he asked an imaginary reporter. Add that to my list of middle names, no problemo.
He was proud of that little presentation, he’d just made. He had an uncanny talent for immediately assessing what people feared the most; and he would quite unscrupulously employ this knowledge to curry favours. He was a geneticist by training, but he liked to think of himself as a Natural Philosopher. He dabbled in desktop computers, those unwieldy pre-Breakout relics. Prior to the Breakout, this hobby of his made him some kind of an eccentric recluse. Post- Breakout, and after the consequent failure of the manufacturing industry, all the head honchos wanted his exclusive services. He studied sciences, simply because he loved to. As he liked to say, “Don’t get fooled by the nonchalant exterior. I know much more than you in any topic you can think of.”
However, anyone following his career graph would come up with only term to describe his profession – a ‘mover and shaker’. He liked to use his people management skills to rise up the bureaucratic ladder. Many people had enquired about his fascination for bureaucracy, and he always gave the same answer, perhaps the one they least expected. “It’s the best kind of adventure there is, man.” he said, with the same roguish grin that let him manipulate people, and make them feel that they actually enjoy it. “And besides, if someone like me doesn’t keep the vast machinery of the bureaucracy oiled and moving, who will?”
He’d always dreamed of going off on a trip to the Wildlands. What stopped him before was not the minor detail that people (normal ones, not those darned foggers) who had gone in had not usually come out. And it certainly wasn’t the spine-chilling stories about the murderous swarms that stalked the lands. If anything, these were the reasons that a trip to the Wildlands came to appeal to him in the first place. What really stopped him was the fact that, visiting the Wildlands was illegal, and this wasn’t something he could cover up by toadying up to his higher-ups. It would be a major PR debacle and he couldn’t stand that. He’d needed a good, strong, legal reason to make a trip to the Wildlands. And he found one in the poor fogger’s photographs of a patch of grass. He looked at the acceptance letters of the members of the team lying on his desk- Dr Manto, one of Corlane’s leading biomathematicians; Dr Slesh, a top researcher in the field of gerontology (the study of aging); El-Paco, the fogger who discovered the anomaly himself. The smile plastered on his face momentarily faltered at the thought of a fogger accompanying them, and an unpleasant image of a smelly sewer rat came to his mind. He continued mentally perusing the list – finally, Dr Tana, an expert in the field of nanotechnology evolution.
He closed his eyes and smiled even more broadly. “We are going to the Wildlands, baby.”

OFF TO THE WILDLANDS
The Wildlands are the remnants of the failed research into artificial evolution that immediately followed the Breakout. Scientists tried to use the same nanotechnology and quantum computing techniques that spawned the Blocks, and later, the Knarls to fight them. Policy makers were convinced that they could manipulate the techniques to produce friendly Blocks, but this time with a control program put in, that established their servility. They failed. The same machines evolved to turn against them; it makes more evolutionary sense for a species to be independent, than be subject to another’s whims. Parallel research was done in the field of swarm intelligence. In hindsight, it might seem obvious that this would result in a catastrophe of even bigger magnitude, but honeyed tongues can sway the most rational of persons. People argued that swarm intelligences were by definition, limited to simple individual goals that lead to complex group action. If one can model these simple goals to result in a group action that simulated a powerful anti-Knarl weapon, what could possibly go wrong? Evolution, again, was the answer. And, as before, everyone missed it.
As soon as the disastrous consequences of these experiments became apparent to everyone, more specifically when people in the region stated disappearing, and hushed tones began to speak of those ghostly hunters, the labs were shut down, and the survivors evacuated. The area was sealed with a nanoparticle-proof wall, at great effort and expense. Soon, the Governing Council started to even deny that such an event had occurred.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Strum drawled, his speech slurred by sheer laziness. The team was travelling by a dangerous mountainous path that was just wide enough to accommodate their SUV, it seemed. On both sides, the cliff fell away precipitously to a rocky death in the barren lands far below. The vista was beautiful, but most people would probably be too busy holding back the contents of the morning’s breakfast to admire the scenery.
No one responded, but nothing could get Strum down. Nearly everyone in the group, with the exception of El-Paco were into desk jobs, and were probably contemplating, using all of their formidable intellect, the many ways of coming to their death in this desolate land. El-Paco, of course, did not need to contemplate. He knew.
“How many of those nano-disassemblers have we packed?” Dr Tana asked rather nervously. “I hope there are enough to take on those nanobots Paco keeps talking about.”
El-Paco interrupted, sounding even more nervous than Dr Tana, if that was possible. “There is no guarantee that those techniques will work. The nanobots would have…”
“Now, now, Paco. Stop that naysaying.” The smug voice of Strum cut in. “I promise you that we have enough of those disambs to bring down a city of that nano-stuff. No worries at all.” He looked out of the window, as if willing the ruffled scientists to be calmed by the serene ambience. The ground seemed a lot closer now; they had nearly completed their journey through the mountain pass.
The group had its first major argument over the issue of when they should dump the SUV. El-Paco had insisted, in his quiet, deferential way, that they abandon it as soon as they reached the bottom of the mountain. The size, and the sound of the SUV, would draw the attention of swarms much more than individual humans can, he cautioned. The scientists, though, could not let go of the false safety offered by the big vehicle, and insisted on using the SUV as much as possible. Strum believed El-Paco, but he did not shirk away from the implied danger as El-Paco expected; he loved it. This of course, meant that he sided with the scientists. The group agreed that they would proceed in the SUV, till they reached the first forested area, what the foggers simply called ‘The Bush’. This simple conclusion meant that they would have to travel for about 10 kilometres in the SUV through some of the most heavily infested areas; the magnitude of the danger was not lost on El-Paco, who took to biting his nails vigorously.
As the SUV slowly made its way through the rock terrain, it started to rain. The rain made a steady drumming sound as it fell heavily on the SUV’s roof. The rhythmic regularity of this sound somehow seemed to pacify the scientists. El-Paco, on the other hand, became even more nervous. Through with biting his nails, he switched to nibbling the ends of his fingers, alternating his hands, with one hand always on the steering wheel.
“Why are you worried, El-Paco? It looks like the guy up there likes us. No swarms to worry about, and no nanostuff can survive that downpour.” Strum said smartly, pointing to the myriad rivulets forming in the sandy ground.
“No, it’s not at all good. Yes, during the rain, the nanobots and the swarms hide, but immediately after the rains stop, they come back in force, to mark out their territories again. The rain wipes their marks clean.”
The exhilaration of a few minutes past dulled slightly. Dr Tana pointed out, “We could continue in the SUV through the Bush and retrieve a sample in less than hour. Then we would avoid those swarms you are talking about.” Hasty murmurs of assent accompanied this remark.
“We foggers know all about the rains in the Wildlands. They are like mirages in deserts, they flatter to deceive and disappear before they can help you in any way. I have been in the Wildlands many times, and not once have the rains lasted more than twenty minutes.” Dr Manto, who had so far refrained from participating in any of the discussions, raised a sceptical eyebrow. El-Paco caught it. “It doesn’t look it now, with what looks like the Great Flood falling on our heads, but believe me, the rain stops in seconds.” He shuddered. “And then they’ll be here.”

Perhaps being a sceptic is part of the job description for scientists, or maybe, it’s just ego, but in any case, no one listened to him. Normal conversation resumed. Dr Manto’s aggressive stance towards the Knarls came under vociferous attack from the normally placid Dr Tana.
“Dr Tana, wouldn’t you agree with me if I said that all attempts to program the Knarls (or the Blocks for that matter) have failed? You should know, having been at the forefront of the revolution.” she added contemptuously.
“Perhaps it’s true that we have failed to program obedience in the Knarls. I won’t even go into the ethics of genocide, or the beauty of pacifism. I have a simple practical rebuttal. We cannot defeat them in open battle. They are too strong for us.”
“And you didn’t realise this when you infused AI into stupid Blocks. Not only was that, in itself, a monumentally dense thing to do, but you went on to put a simulated human consciousness in them. What did you expect, with all the ego and bluster that drives the human mind, servility would be a natural by-product?” she thundered.
“Er, people,” interrupted El-Paco, in an almost inaudible squeak. “I didn’t tell you this earlier, but the major problem with rains is not the fact the swarms lose their territorial markings. The real problem is that can I lose my trail, which I have marked out to avoid the major swarm colonies.” He slowly pointed to the almost completely opaque windscreen. “And I have lost it now.”
“You mean we are driving blind?”
“I wouldn’t say that.” He pointed to the vague silhouette of the Bush. “We might just pass close to some of the swarm colonies. Don’t worry,” he reassured uncharacteristically, “They won’t attack. It’s raining, remember.”
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“I think the rain’s thinning.” Slesh ventured fearfully.
“Don’t be silly. It’s just as heavy as ever. Look, I still cannot see a thing through my window.” Strum said, with his eyelids drooping with sleep. A slight movement seemed to register on his peripheral vision; he awoke with a start and looked out of the window again. The rain was indeed clearing up, and fast. A gigantic structure slowly began to resolve itself.
“What the hell is that?”
“I didn’t know you had buildings down here, El-Paco.”
“Don’t tell me the darned Knarls have set up base here as well!” the assertive monotone of Dr Manto cut through the melee.

“That’s a swarm colony.” El-Paco corrected, his voice quivering with fear. He pointed to the conical structure, with impressively detailed walkways, and human-sized holes leading to the dwellings of the workers. Some of the holes had what looked like rudimentary doors. The structure rose to nearly 80 metres in height, as tall as the tallest trees in Corlane. It tapered towards the top, like an intricately crafted sword that could cut through any enemy. The material shone a slivery-white even in the haziness of the fading rain – probably nanostuff. El-Paco thought he caught a glimpse of activity somewhere in the top levels of the structure, but when he looked again, it was gone.
El-Paco stopped the SUV. The treeline of the Bush was at least 50 metres away; he looked again at the swarm nest and tried to mentally gauge its distance. Despite the fact that he had seen these structures many times, their size was still disconcerting. Probably 50 metres or so, he told himself. He looked back at the scientists, now utterly silent and drained of all talk. They were looking at the swarm nest in shock, like deer caught in the headlights. Even Strum looked scared.
“OK the rain’s going to stop any second. We have only one chance, and that is to try and make for the trees. The swarm moves at a speed upwards of 200 kilometres per hour, so don’t even dream of out-sprinting it. You can only hope that… Never mind. Just get out and run! I’ll get the equipment.” He started packing all their research equipment into one bag. A couple of times, he heard sensitive equipment shatter. He smiled at the irony; any other day he would have treated the equipment with kid gloves; they were expensive, and expensive meant money, of course. He looked back to see the last of the group, Sturm, naturally, hurrying into the dense thicket, still looking over his shoulder.
He slammed the door of the SUV shut, slung the heavy bag on his shoulders and started off for the trees. He was still about 10 metres away, when the rain stopped abruptly. He froze. He could see the fearful expression on Dr Tana’s face, partially hidden in the foliage, in exquisite detail, but he dared not move. He could also see, by way of his peripheral vision, that the swarm was on the move. A gust of wind announced its arrival. He mentally clamped down on his feet to prevent himself from running. “Run!” said his panicked brain, over and over like a scratched disk, and when the desired response did not appear, released more adrenaline into the bloodstream. His heart was beating louder than a jackhammer now.
Vague sounds of savagery came from the direction of the SUV. His heartbeat slowed down a fraction, with the knowledge that maybe, he might just survive. The sounds stopped quickly, which meant that it was one of those swarms which could identify living organisms. Swarms are not fooled completely by still objects. It is true that in general, swarm individuals have motion-sensitive vision, which means they are blind to still objects, but they have other senses. Their sense of smell, in particular is very powerful; he’d heard of foggers attacked by swarms, even after they’d made sure that none were in the binoculars range. This is where he’d gambled. He knew that the SUV’s fuel gave out an incredibly strong odour that would cloud their olfactory pereceptors to everything else. Another gust of wind told him that he’d gambled right. The swarm was moving away, probably to mark out its territory again.

El-Paco’s second gamble failed. Swarm individuals also have a rudimentary sense of touch; if they hit an object they do not ignore it, whether or not they can see it. He had hoped that they would move in the direction away from him, but obviously that wasn’t happening. He shut his eyes tightly, as he felt the deluge pass by him. On occasions, he felt that a swarm entity had brushed his hair, his skin, but nothing happened. The storm passed. He stood still for a full five minutes after the sounds ceased and made his way to the Bush.
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The group slowly made its way through the Bush. The landscape was nothing remarkable. It looked like any tropical forest, with large trees blotting out the sunlight, and undergrowth hindering feeble attempts at progress. The unbelievably dense undergrowth looked like a world in itself, opaque to outside eyes. Legs pierced it with difficulty, but the bushes closed around them instantly, giving the appearance that a bunch of legless humans were skimming a leafy floor. The truly remarkable thing about the ambience was not the undergrowth, it was the silence. There wasn’t any sound at all, apart from their heavy boots cutting a swathe through the bushes. There were no field crickets in ear-splitting orchestra, no birds singing their troubles away, not even pestilent mosquitoes buzzing around aimlessly.
“It seems like we’ve been going for hours through this place, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon.” Strum’s bored voice boomed in the distance.
“Please Mr Strum, do not shout. The swarms usually do not come here, but I emphasise the usually. The nanobots on the other hand thrive in these places, especially after the rains.” El-Paco looked around worriedly to ensure that no one else had followed Strum, and wandered away. He felt like an overworked nanny.
“Sure, sure, El-Paco.” Strum replied condescendingly. Strum lowered the volume, but quickened his pace. “I’ll find the exit from this place first.” he thought excitedly. It had never stopped being an adventure for him, not even when Paco had come to within an inch of losing his life. Suddenly, the thought occurred to him that he might get separated from the rest of the group. He sighed, stopped and sat down on a nearby rock. As he slipped into a stupor, a small pebble, a few feet away, moved. He paused to watch. In a few seconds, it moved again. “Ants.” Strum thought happily. “Finally some sign of life in this place.” He went to push the rock away with the toe of his boot, to see the ants below.
To his surprise, he noticed that there was nothing there. He looked around for the stone that he’d kicked and found that it was still stuck to his boot. He lazily shook his boot to dislodge it; it refused to budge. As he bent to remove it with his hand, the stone visibly grew in size: it had ingested a part of his boot. He screamed in shock.
Luckily, the rest of the group wasn’t too far off. He soon heard Dr Tana’s voice in the distance shouting. “Get rid of the shoe. Goddamn it! Get rid of the shoe!” In a daze, he extracted the shoe without touching the stone, and threw it away.

“What was that?”
“It was some kind of a nanobot that looked like a pebble. Obviously, it used this camouflage to sneak up on its prey.”
“And what is its prey?”
“I don’t know. It could be anything.”
The group quickened their pace. After another hour of walk without incident, except for the odd false alarm, they reached the end of the Bush. El-Paco took out his binoculars, mentally confirmed something, and handed them to Dr Slesh.
“Look. Can you see the funny looking grass patch over there, Dr Slesh?”
“Yes. And it’s definitely anomalous. And it seems to have grown in area, from what I remember of your pictures.”
“Yeah. But our major problem now is to cross that stretch of land.” El-Paco repeated his ritual with the stone. Nothing happened. He looked around for a living creature, but he couldn’t find anything. He suspected this might happen, from when the Bush first greeted them with absolute silence. Either the nanobots had multiplied in number, or the swarms had started to venture into the forests. He frowned unhappily.
“OK, so even the thickets may not be safe?” Strum enquired quietly, his earlier pomp gone. “But that means, any creatures that might have defied aging might now be in some nanobot’s belly!”
“Let’s hope that is not the case.” Dr Slesh interrupted impatiently. “So can we move now Mr El-Paco?”
El-Paco started to give the group hurried instructions. They had to walk in a single file, and in an irregular stop-start fashion. They had to resist the instinctive urge to run at all costs. As any swarm in the area was beyond binocular sight, vision would be the only way it would be able to spot them. The obvious solution to this problem would be to not move at all, but that was of course out of the question. A changing, rhythm-free motion was the next best option. It would help them blend with the swirling dunes. Paco took out his treasured pair of binoculars, and squatting down on his haunches leisurely, gesticulated to them to start moving.
“What, aren’t you coming?” Strum of course, mock solicitude weighting every syllable.
“Not yet. I will stay here and watch while you make the crossing. If I see any movement in the distance, absolutely anything at all, I’ll shout out. You have to stop moving immediately. Swarms are smart; they don’t waste fuel on false alarms.” El-Paco said the last sentence a bit louder than necessary, trying to infuse a false ring of confidence.

“How can you shout though? Wouldn’t that be like drawing attention to yourself?”
“Not really. A swarm entity’s hearing is far less developed than its vision.” El-Paco suddenly realized how much like a scientist he really was. He did not believe in certainties; experience had taught him (often painfully) that the world did not work in blacks and whites. Something would not occur, it only might occur. A swarm usually has a hearing much less developed than vision, but this particular swarm might be the one in a million (or billion) where the opposite held true. And here he was, spewing certainties like the best of politicians. Snapping out of his reverie, he noticed that the group had already started moving. They seemed to have mistaken his contemplative mood for concentration.
Wielding the binoculars, especially using them to cover the stretch of barren land of the thicket fast enough to be useful, was hard work. El-Paco soon found himself mopping his brow. For the umpteenth time, he watched the scientists, Strum with his patented swagger, Tana with his slouchy shuffle, Manto with her haughty stiffness and Slesh with his curiosity-driven speed, make their way across the dunes. They seemed to have followed his instructions to the dot though; he smiled ruefully at their drunken dance like motion. And then it happened. A non-descript rabbit like creature appeared in the distance. Almost without thinking he bellowed loudly; and the group stopped moving. The creature made a small, surprisingly quick movement in the direction of the group, and just when it seemed like it had detected them, began to fall away. He sighed with relief, and watched. The creature only moved a little bit into the distance, just enough, he calculated, to let the edge of the thicket hide the scientists from view. He bellowed again, and waited.
Soon enough, Paco realized that while the creature could not see the scientists, it certainly could see him. He trudged a little further into the Bush, and satisfied that he was well hidden, began to walk parallel to the thicket away from the creature. The motionless swarm entity was soon hidden by the advancing edge of the thicket, but still he did not stop. When he finally did so, he realized that he could no longer see the scientists either. He stepped out into the desert. With brisk, long strides and scant regard for his own instructions, he made his way to the magical thicket. As he neared the thicket, he glimpsed the scientists struggling through the bushes towards him, and almost simultaneously noticed the identical looks of shock on their faces. He turned around and noticed a lone swarm entity less than hundred metres away. Why was it hunting him alone? Then he realized that it wasn’t. It seemed to be following some kind of a trail. Thinking quickly, he hurled his backpack in the approximate direction of the approaching creature and ran. Was someone replaying (the not so enjoyable) moments of his life?


EPILOGUE
Dr Tana gingerly put the one of the super-ants on his palm, and watched lovingly, as it scurried back and forth, looking for a way out. The Source (Strum had named it), turned out to be bustling with animal life. Dr Slesh had quickly established that all life forms on that little green island showed signs of extended life spans. They decided to collect samples of ants, the most transportable of all the creatures on the island.
Strum, who lay on his back on a slightly elevated part of the ground, noticed motion in the distance, towards the Bush. He watched, without the slightest concern, as two blocky Knarls stepped out of the trees, and started running towards them.
“Incoming Knarl!” he said, in the musical tone of a radio announcer. “But not to worry folks, we’ve got it covered.” He pointed towards the centre of the barren patch of land separating them, where a small rabbit-like creature lay motionless, next to the remnants of El-Paco’s former backpack. The attack was fast. He lay back in satisfaction, and watched, as the swarm appeared, tore the knarls to shreds and dispersed, almost in a single motion.