(Hat tip to one of my favourite funny books of all time - Arthur Bloch's 'Murphy's Law'. If there's ever been a topic that's been subject to the sadistic scrutiny of Mr. Murphy, it's that of food.)
(I feel tons more laws floating into my brain from the ethereal beyond, but I have to stop somewhere.)
The Law of Unhealthiness of Taste
If it tastes good, it isn’t good for you.
A Salad Eater’s Paradoxical Corollary to the Law of Unhealthiness of Taste
If it’s good for you, it’ll kill you to eat it.
The Unchanging Nature of Tastefulness
If you take something that tastes good and modify it as little as possible so that it becomes good for you, it ultimately would have been better to throw it out altogether and eat something else entirely.
The Law of Mediocrity
If it doesn’t taste good, it doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Generalization of the Law of Mediocrity
Nothing is good for you.
Proscription Against Only Eating What’s Good For You
Starvation is worse.
Proscription Against Eating Too Much Of What's Good For You
Fifteen kilos of lettuce for dinner is fatal 90% of the time.
Partial Retraction of the Generalization of the Law of Mediocrity
Nothing that you really like is good for you; things you despise are essential for your well being.
The Immorality of Taste
If it tastes good and is good for you, it probably involved many animals being tortured for it to be made.
The Law of Incomplete Knowledge
If it tastes good, looks good, is good for you, and also completely ethical, it just means the state of nutritional knowledge regarding the healthfulness of various foods isn’t up to the mark.
An Idiot’s Paraphrase of the Law of Incomplete Knowledge
If they say it’s good for ya, they just don’t know it ain’t good for ya yet!
The Law of Nutritional Economics
If it tastes good, looks good, is really good for you, and also completely ethical, it will be so expensive that you'll either a) never be able to buy it or b) buy it and immediately die after from an acute case of workaholicism.
The Axiom of Olfactory Reliability
If it smells good, it tastes good.
Clarification by An Anonymous Seafood Lover
If it smells terrible, it still tastes good.
Rebuttal on the Epitaph of an Anonymous Man’s Grave
Never drink from your perfume bottle!
The Law of Idiomatic Generalization Of Tastefulness
Everything tastes good to a hungry man.
(I feel tons more laws floating into my brain from the ethereal beyond, but I have to stop somewhere.)
The Law of Unhealthiness of Taste
If it tastes good, it isn’t good for you.
A Salad Eater’s Paradoxical Corollary to the Law of Unhealthiness of Taste
If it’s good for you, it’ll kill you to eat it.
The Unchanging Nature of Tastefulness
If you take something that tastes good and modify it as little as possible so that it becomes good for you, it ultimately would have been better to throw it out altogether and eat something else entirely.
The Law of Mediocrity
If it doesn’t taste good, it doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Generalization of the Law of Mediocrity
Nothing is good for you.
Proscription Against Only Eating What’s Good For You
Starvation is worse.
Proscription Against Eating Too Much Of What's Good For You
Fifteen kilos of lettuce for dinner is fatal 90% of the time.
Partial Retraction of the Generalization of the Law of Mediocrity
Nothing that you really like is good for you; things you despise are essential for your well being.
The Immorality of Taste
If it tastes good and is good for you, it probably involved many animals being tortured for it to be made.
The Law of Incomplete Knowledge
If it tastes good, looks good, is good for you, and also completely ethical, it just means the state of nutritional knowledge regarding the healthfulness of various foods isn’t up to the mark.
An Idiot’s Paraphrase of the Law of Incomplete Knowledge
If they say it’s good for ya, they just don’t know it ain’t good for ya yet!
The Law of Nutritional Economics
If it tastes good, looks good, is really good for you, and also completely ethical, it will be so expensive that you'll either a) never be able to buy it or b) buy it and immediately die after from an acute case of workaholicism.
The Axiom of Olfactory Reliability
If it smells good, it tastes good.
Clarification by An Anonymous Seafood Lover
If it smells terrible, it still tastes good.
Rebuttal on the Epitaph of an Anonymous Man’s Grave
Never drink from your perfume bottle!
The Law of Idiomatic Generalization Of Tastefulness
Everything tastes good to a hungry man.
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