Let's imagine there exists a cantankerous old man who's so grouchy that he'll berate you for giving him birthday presents, and who's so cynical that the first thing that'll occur to him on seeing a cute puppy on his doorstep would be:
'What kind of scam is this?'
Let's also imagine that this irritable old geezer is your uncle and that he's just discovered a book of inspirational quotes. Naturally, his blood pressure is going to shoot through the roof at the almost physically painful optimism, and he's going to want to rectify that with a dash of vitriol. Much to the nephew's amusement, of course.
“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” Theodore Roosevelt.
“But the other half takes forever.”
“We can’t help everyone but everyone can help someone.” Ronald Reagan
“That someone is usually yourself.”
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” Carl Sagan
“It will either be known and dismissed as something extraordinarily mundane, or will forever continue waiting.”
“The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.” Vince Lombardi
“I can eat every single edible thing in the house in one hour!”
“Change your thoughts and you can change the world.” Norman Vincent Peale
“Only if your thoughts change to - ‘the world is unchangeable!’”
“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt
“I ate kilos and kilos of pizza, got fat, ran a marathon, and collapsed and died halfway through. This is my postcard from limbo because the Man Up There cannot decide which way to send me.”
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” Milton Berle
“Then it knocks so hard your door collapses on you and kills you.”
“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” Anne Frank
“But others’ happiness makes me unhappy. Pretty little paradox eh?”
“The things that we love tell us what we are.” Thomas Aquinas
“I like sitting in a corner eating junk all day, so I must be a… dustbin.”
“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” Jean de la Bruyere
“Miracles are difficulties you don’t know are difficulties yet.”
“To the mind that is still, the whole Universe surrenders.” Lao Tzu
“.. as in, gives up and passes you by.”
“What we change inwardly will change outer reality.” Plutarch
“I’m sorry, but all I can think of is spicy food and upset stomachs.”
“Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell.” - Bill Copeland
“Be like the turtle, and whole world will be like the stick - trying to poke you out for no reason.”
“Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.” Henry David Thoreau
“The sun appears to go round the Earth, but the vice versa is reality. (Even if the world appears to turn around, it is probably just you bending over backwards.)”
“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.”
“And you will be blinded and hit by a truck as you cross the street.”
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot
“Short of amputation, I think my childhood’s really lost.”
“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.” Bernard Williams
“Imaginary things can be infinite in dimension.”
“The glow of one warm thought to me is worth more than money.” Thomas Jefferson
“I tried to buy an apple with a tenth of a warm thought yesterday - it didn’t work. I said ‘Morning!’”
“You change your life by changing your heart.” Max Lucado
“Dr. Christiaan Barnard was after my time. It was certainly a change though - I was dead.”
“Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed.” Dale Carnegie
“Makes sense because I usually dream I’m a blithering coward running away from furry cats.”
“Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout.” Morihei Ueshiba
“Alien? Aliens? Aliens vs Predator - surely not?! Just can’t place this movie, man!”
“It is always the simple that produces the marvelous.” Amelia Barr
“Marvels lie in the eye of the beholder.”
“We have it in our power to begin the world over again.” Thomas Paine
“Nostradamus is passe, Paine just predicted nuclear weapons here, man!”
'What kind of scam is this?'
Let's also imagine that this irritable old geezer is your uncle and that he's just discovered a book of inspirational quotes. Naturally, his blood pressure is going to shoot through the roof at the almost physically painful optimism, and he's going to want to rectify that with a dash of vitriol. Much to the nephew's amusement, of course.
“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” Theodore Roosevelt.
“But the other half takes forever.”
“We can’t help everyone but everyone can help someone.” Ronald Reagan
“That someone is usually yourself.”
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” Carl Sagan
“It will either be known and dismissed as something extraordinarily mundane, or will forever continue waiting.”
“The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.” Vince Lombardi
“I can eat every single edible thing in the house in one hour!”
“Change your thoughts and you can change the world.” Norman Vincent Peale
“Only if your thoughts change to - ‘the world is unchangeable!’”
“You must do the things you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt
“I ate kilos and kilos of pizza, got fat, ran a marathon, and collapsed and died halfway through. This is my postcard from limbo because the Man Up There cannot decide which way to send me.”
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” Milton Berle
“Then it knocks so hard your door collapses on you and kills you.”
“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” Anne Frank
“But others’ happiness makes me unhappy. Pretty little paradox eh?”
“The things that we love tell us what we are.” Thomas Aquinas
“I like sitting in a corner eating junk all day, so I must be a… dustbin.”
“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” Jean de la Bruyere
“Miracles are difficulties you don’t know are difficulties yet.”
“To the mind that is still, the whole Universe surrenders.” Lao Tzu
“.. as in, gives up and passes you by.”
“What we change inwardly will change outer reality.” Plutarch
“I’m sorry, but all I can think of is spicy food and upset stomachs.”
“Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell.” - Bill Copeland
“Be like the turtle, and whole world will be like the stick - trying to poke you out for no reason.”
“Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.” Henry David Thoreau
“The sun appears to go round the Earth, but the vice versa is reality. (Even if the world appears to turn around, it is probably just you bending over backwards.)”
“Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.”
“And you will be blinded and hit by a truck as you cross the street.”
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot
“Short of amputation, I think my childhood’s really lost.”
“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.” Bernard Williams
“Imaginary things can be infinite in dimension.”
“The glow of one warm thought to me is worth more than money.” Thomas Jefferson
“I tried to buy an apple with a tenth of a warm thought yesterday - it didn’t work. I said ‘Morning!’”
“You change your life by changing your heart.” Max Lucado
“Dr. Christiaan Barnard was after my time. It was certainly a change though - I was dead.”
“Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed.” Dale Carnegie
“Makes sense because I usually dream I’m a blithering coward running away from furry cats.”
“Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout.” Morihei Ueshiba
“Alien? Aliens? Aliens vs Predator - surely not?! Just can’t place this movie, man!”
“It is always the simple that produces the marvelous.” Amelia Barr
“Marvels lie in the eye of the beholder.”
“We have it in our power to begin the world over again.” Thomas Paine
“Nostradamus is passe, Paine just predicted nuclear weapons here, man!”
Thanks to this website for providing lots and lots of fodder for my uncle to work out his ulcers. More to come, soon!
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