Monday 24 December 2018

Love At First Sight: A Tall Yarn


(Every line in this story is made up of idioms. Enjoy!)

A doubting Thomas was at the crossroads,
Wondering how to pop the question.
Should he run with it, or will the winds change?

He had miles to go before he could sleep,
Rat-races to run, ladders to climb.
Palms to grease, noses to brown,
Balls to hit out of the park.

So he didn’t want to jump the gun,
This was a bell that couldn’t be unrung.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place,
He killed time, waiting for the penny to drop.

But time and tide wait for no man,
So no longer did he sit on the fence,
He jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

“I can be your knight in shining armour,”
“I can be your friend in need indeed,”
“I can take you to seventh heaven,”
“Or cloud nine if that’s your cup of tea.”

The woman’s breath was taken away,
This twist of fate left her all at sea.
All hands to the pump, she steadied her ship.
“Oh, I’m but a black sheep and an ugly duckling.”
“But beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.”

“They say love makes you blind”
“By pulling the wool over your eyes.”
“So, before I fall, head over heels,”
“Let’s get down to brass tacks.”

“Can you do more than make ends meet?”
“Can you keep the wolves from the door?”
“You fit the bill, if you foot the bill.”
“Will you stick with me through thick or thin?”
“Hang on, come hell or high water?”

This googly gave him food for thought.
“I’ve burnt the candle at both ends”
“To keep my head above water.”
“But then I hit pay dirt and rode the gravy train,”
“Until I could laugh all the way to the bank.”

“However, no man is an island.”
“All work and no play made Jack a dull boy.”
“So I began to keep my eyes peeled,”
“Saw the apple of my eye, and fell in love.”

Still she was at sixes and sevens,
So he threw caution to the winds.
He would pull no punches,
Let the chips fall as they may.

“I am the best thing since sliced bread.”
“Because castles in the air and moonshots,”
“Pies in the sky and pipe dreams,”
“Will not just be figments of imagination,”
“But take shape and see the light of day.”

“So will you be my better half?”

Greenhorn she wasn’t, dollars to doughnuts;
She knew which side her bread was buttered.
“I promise to be your other half”

“Let us cut the cord, and tie the knot.”
“Learn the ropes on the fly.”
“As one, we jump into the deep end,”
“And swim with the sharks.”

“When familiarity begins to breed contempt,”
“We won’t break up, but kiss and make up.”
“When we go through a rough patch,”
“We’ll pause for breath, and take stock,”
“Count our blessings, and carry on.”
“For life’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

“But let’s not count our chickens before they hatch.”
“For now, we make hay while the sun shines.”
“Let me strike while my iron is hot.”
“I have eyes and hots only for you.”

So they sealed with a kiss, a life joined at the hip,
Until one or the other runs out of steam,
And is dead as a dodo, or a doornail if you prefer;
They will love each other to bits, and to death,
Which is the only thing that does them apart.

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